First Snow
by Kosaka
Summary: He hid his memories in the top of the closet. He always disappeared for the first snow.' Cloud has had enough of secrets, but Leon doesn't like to talk about the past. Now those secrets are straining their relationship. LeonCloud, IrvineSquall.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: It's been…AGES since I've written any fan fiction. How long you ask? Long enough that I had to pause and think of what email I might have been using at the time and what my password may have been. Heck, it's been ages since I've READ any fan fiction. This site looks SO DIFFERENT from the last time I frequented it. Like the rating system. Mature fics are allowed now? Wonder when that happened, ah well.

Sufficed to say along comes Kingdom Hearts and Kingdom Hearts 2 in which "Leon" has become undeniably cooler than he ever was in FFVIII and the bug has bitten once again.

For the record, the majority of the FFVIII cast that shows up in the KH games…call me old school if you will, but I prefer the FFVIII versions. I prefer a Fujin that yells instead of speaks and a bouncier Selphie, and a Seifer that's…well…a pain in the ass, but at least still cool. That said, anyone reading this who has played the Kingdom Hearts Series but not Final Fantasy VIII may find some characters a bit ooc. Heck, they all might be ooc. I don't remember the last time I've written a Final Fantasy Fanfic.

This story will be a sort of FFVIII/KH crossover, I suppose.

Pairing: Irvine/Squall, Leon/Cloud, mentions of Cloud/Zach and Seifer/Squall.

Standard Disclaimers Apply.

**First Snow**

_He hid his memories in the top of his closet._

_He always disappeared for the first snow._

**Chapter 1: Someday**

'I stopped leaving Hollow Bastion two years ago. It's not that I don't care about defeating Sephiroth anymore, but some things are more important.' Cloud sighed, fingers laced behind his spiky blond head and rolled his eyes to the empty side of the bed. It was four in the morning and Leon had disappeared. With his head propped up on his hands like this, he could see a dusting of snow on the top of the next roof through the window beside the bed and frowned softly, sitting up.

'First snow,' he thought, shivering as he padded across the room to get a robe out of the closet. It was cold, and by all rights he should be dead tired, but this was the third year in a row. The first year Cloud had searched the whole town only to get back at dawn to find Leon curled up in bed claiming he was tired and wanted to sleep in. When he'd told the others at breakfast "I don't think he's coming", some knowing looks were exchanged and a few nods as if everyone was in on the secret but him. For once, Yuffie, who lived for gossip, kept her mouth shut on the matter and nothing could pry it open. Aeris had told him 'I'm sure he'll tell you all about it when he's ready.' The second year, Cloud had frantically looked all around the house and yard before remembering the events of the year before and gone back to bed, feigning sleep, hoping he might be able to figure _something_ out without being told when Leon returned. When morning rolled around and Leon, not really sleeping, didn't stir, Cloud had sighed and said, "let me guess, you're tired?"

"…yeah," was Leon's only reply.

This was the third year in a row and Cloud decided there was no point in bothering. He looked up at the top of the closet as he pulled Leon's robe around him as he sometimes did when he thought no one was looking, inhaling his lover's scent. He didn't doubt that Leon loved him. It was all in the little things—the way he didn't tense when Cloud touched him, the way he got jealous whenever someone mentioned Zach even though the man had been dead for years but wouldn't own up to said jealousy…and especially the way he would look up at Cloud for a long moment when he walked in the door and just barely audibly would say 'welcome home' when the blonde was close enough to hear it without sharing the endearment with anyone else.

This was the first year he noticed it. The empty space that wasn't usually there. Leon kept a box in the top of that closet. It was a little tattered with age, and Cloud instinctively avoided it out of respect for his lover's privacy. Today, that box was gone and Leon was nowhere to be found. He may have a blonde moment from time to time, but today, at 4 in the morning in January as winter's first snow came down outside the window, Cloud didn't have any trouble drawing the connection. The box itself, he noticed in the moonlight, was open and settled in the corner of the room, but whatever had been in it was undoubtedly with Leon, wherever he'd gone off to. He went into the kitchen and made two cups of coffee. He'd only meant to make one, but after three years it had become a habit, like driving to the same place so often that sometimes you get halfway there before you realize you're headed somewhere else. He didn't bother turning on the lights. Cloud watched the scenery out of their bedroom window as he sipped from his favorite cup. There's something he'd always found soothing and romantic about the first snow, especially in the middle of the night. He wished he could share that something with Leon, but as the brunette quietly padded into the room behind him just before dawn, not realizing Cloud was awake and shirked off his jacket, a cowboy hat held carefully between cold fingers, Cloud noticed the furrow of his brow, the downward pull of his lips and he knew it was totally out of the question.

Leon had squatted down next to the box, putting the items back with excess care—a hat, what looked like they might have been some old photos, other small, miscellaneous items that Cloud couldn't quite see beyond Leon's broad back. Cloud waited until he'd put the box back in its proper place to speak, asking "…are you ever going to tell me what this is all about?"

Leon startled and spun about as if he'd just been caught cheating on the blonde—that is to say, horrified at the very thought that Cloud knew about whatever it was, and a little apologetic.

He turned away, took off his boots and leather pants and sat on the edge of the bed for an extended moment before answering, "…someday."

As Leon, shoulders tense, curled up and pretended to sleep, Cloud wondered when this 'someday' was going to come…and if he'd be alive to see it.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: My original intention was to make this a one-shot, in the end I decided to divide the fic up into chapters. I tend to be a little more verbose than I'd like to admit, so the fic probably won't be _quite_ as short as I was planning on, but you never know.

Keep in mind that this is a Past/Present fic. But I feel the transitions between one and the other are fairly obvious, so you shouldn't have any trouble following the time frame.

Fandom: Final Fantasy VIII and Kingdom Hearts

Pairings: Irvine/Squall, Leon/Cloud. Brief Mentions of Cloud/Zach and Seifer/Squall.

Standard Disclaimers Apply.

**First Snow**

_He hid his memories in the top of his closet._

_He always disappeared for the first snow._

_I want to know you better than this._

_Not just who you are, but why._

**Chapter Two: Breathless**

"Squallllyyyy! Come outsiiiidddee!" Selphie bounced giddily outside of Squall's bedroom window in a fluffy yellow coat and bunny mittens, breath smoke fogging the glass. He glared at her, but as was the usual case, that really didn't affect the bubbly brunette one little bit. Her green eyes only got more excitable, more insistent.

Squall grunted and pulled down the shade, rolling over to face away from the little maniac. And then her VOICE…how the hell she could get that much sound through shatter-resistant glass was beyond him. He buried his head under his pillow. He might suffocate, but at least then he wouldn't have to listen to Selphie anymore…unless he was going to Hell. There wasn't much worth living for anyway. After defeating Ultimecia, he'd tried dating some. He had. Rinoa…was sweet but…pushy and kind of reminded him of Elle sometimes, and he just couldn't bring himself to date someone who reminded him of his big sister in the long run. Quistis had asked him out once and, not paying attention he'd answered with his customary "whatever" and ended up at a fancy restaurant in Balamb.

…that hadn't gone well either and by the end of the date the blonde had declared "are you sure you aren't gay, Squall?" Squall had blinked a few times as if the thought had never crossed his mind one way or the other.

Regardless of all that, now it was January and Selphie, formerly of Galbadia Garden, was elated over the damnable _snow_. There wasn't enough of a frost on the ground for a single snowball yet, but she was out there bouncing around…in front of his window.

Knock, Knock.

"Go away!" Squall griped. Why wouldn't his friends ever leave him alone? Was it so wrong to let him sleep? Just this once?

"Hey Commander…"

Crap. It was Irvine. Of all his friends most days Irvine was the one he liked the least. And then there were times that Irvine was so gentle… Squall flopped onto his back and sighed wishing Selphie would just shut the hell up.

"…way I see it," Irvine drawled from the other side of the door. "You could either come out with me now, or wait ten minutes until Sephie breaks your window and drags you out through the shards of glass."

Squall realized he wasn't wrong. That sounded exactly like Selphie. And Irvine knew Selphie better than anyone.

He gott up, looking as irritable as ever, and soon opened the door, staring down Irvine with his best 'I'm intimidating so fear me' look. It never worked, but he tried every time. "…I hate you," he told the cowboy. 'And I hate that stupid hat too,' he thought as Irvine tipped it, awarding Squall with a charming smile. 'I hate the way you tip it at me when you think you've won.' Mostly because it usually meant Irvine _had_ won. Irvine always won. Always. Bastard.

"You're all insane." Squall informed him as Irvine swayed to the beat of some song stuck in his head waiting for him to lock the door behind him.

"Jealous?" Irvine grinned impishly.

"…not even remotely."

"You need to unwind sometime you know, or your head will explode," Irvine reminded him as he dragged Squall out the main gate. The chill hit him like a physical weight. It wasn't that cold, but it was a sharp contrast to the measured temperature inside of Balamb Garden.

"I think I hate you, Irvine Kinneas," Squall retorted with a scoffing noise, sidestepping just in time so that Selphie face-planted in the snow instead of tackling him.

"That's great!" Irvine cheered, helping Selphie to her feet. She giggled and shoved a handful of snow down the back of his shirt. Irvine squealed like the big girl Squall was sure he was, "Sepphhieee!" he whined, spinning her about. "That's coold!"

"Of course it's cold! It's snow!" Selphie laughed.

"Know what?" Irvine asked innocently. "Squall _thinks_ he hates me."

"Ooo! You're wearing him down Irvy! Last week he was _positive _ he hated you."

Squall glared at both of them for teasing him. "I'm leaving," he declared.

At seventeen, Squall Leonheart was convinced that he was the only sane person left on the planet. His so-called 'friends' had gotten even crazier since the world had returned to normal and he wondered if time compression had somehow compressed their brains too. He was also convinced that being the "Commander" of Balamb Garden …well, it sucked. He still didn't know why they'd given him the job, but he knew he didn't want it. And he was absolutely certain that he wasn't as lonely as they all said. He wasn't, and if he was, he'd never admit it, not in a million years, not even to himself. After all, he had a boyfriend and everything. Sure, Seifer only showed his face when he wanted something, but having a boyfriend had to count for something, right?

"No no no! C'mon!" Irvine complained, putting Selphie down and grabbing Squall's wrist as he started off. Squall gave him a very distinct look of impending death, because he certainly didn't like to be touched. "Just a little while, Commander. You've been hiding in your room for days you know. Everyone wanted to see you."

Irvine always seemed to know exactly what to say to throw Squall's entire perception of reality completely off balance. 'Everyone wanted to see you' was one of those things. His anger dissipated and he blinked up into those deep indigo eyes, wondering what the hell was going on and why his heart suddenly felt like it was too thick for his chest.

"…whatever."

"I'll take that as a yes," Irvine grinned, giving his wrist a little tug. "C'mon. You can be on my team."

Squall instantly regretted that 'whatever', blinking up at Irvine and asking "team?"

"Of course! For the snowball fight!"

"There's hardly any snow!" Squall protested, his tone saying 'I never agreed to this!' as Irvine tugged him along.

"Give it time, give it time," Irvine laughed.

"But…"

Irvine didn't take no for an answer, and he conveniently never heard the word 'but'. What Squall had intended to be five minutes became three hours before the young Commander of Balamb Garden even knew what was happening. He refused to smile. That would be admitting that he was enjoying himself…a little. But he did defend himself and apparently made snowballs with the best of 'em. Eventually though, he caught Seifer out of the corner of his eye, scowling a hole through his temple. "…I have to go" he informed Irvine and the others and went back inside, shivering slightly from the cold now that he wasn't running around.

"What are you, three?" Seifer accused.

"…it wasn't my idea."

"You piss me off," Seifer declared. "I waited in the training area for an hour."

Without a word, Squall followed, well aware that this was going to be one of their rougher sessions. The scar on his face that bore its twin on Seifer's itched, but Squall didn't believe that his body was trying to tell him something. He felt strongly for Seifer. It was just that back then, Squall Leonheart didn't know the difference between love and hate. He just figured that they both hurt about the same.

-----

Cloud looked over his shoulder at Leon, who was still pretending to sleep and frowned. "You're skipping dinner too?" he asked with a sigh. Leon hadn't eaten a bite all day. Cloud was concerned, but not angry. It was just that having a lover who didn't talk to you when he obviously needed to talk to _someone_ was difficult, even by Cloud's standards. 'And they say _I'm_ the one who gets too emotional.' He frowned and heaved a soft sigh. 'Maybe I'm taking this too personally.'

Leon's reply was to bury his face more deeply into the pillow and pretend he hadn't heard.

'Someday, huh?' Cloud thought. 'We've been together for three years, Squall Leonheart. How long are you going to make me wait?'

-----

Squall poked at a cut on his lip that was still bleeding slightly. He could use a cure on it, he supposed, but it just seemed like a waste for such a small bruise. Never mind that the rest of him wasn't much better. He'd somehow gotten it into his head as he limped back to his room, clothes in a manner of slight disarray, that beating the tar out of one another and then having rough, mostly meaningless sex was the only way people like he and Seifer knew how to show affection.

Everyone knew about the mutually abusive relationship Squall had with his boyfriend…and worried about him over it, even if they didn't dare say so to his face. Squall wasn't a violent person by nature. He was a sleeping lion who attacked when first awakened in annoyance, but who otherwise only knew how to defend and protect. This relationship with Seifer went against his very nature and Irvine Kinneas was sure it was pulling him apart one tattered thread at a time.

The cowboy had been sitting outside the door to Squall's room for two and a half hours waiting for him to get home. He didn't know why, per say. No, that's a lie, he knew exactly why, but that didn't make it any easier. He was the last person Squall Leonheart ever wanted to see, and though he played it up as a fun joke, it hurt more every time Squall told him how much he hated his guts…and it healed more every time their eyes would lock for an instant…and that in turn hurt more still because he was almost positive it was a totally futile hope that there might be something there.

Squall stopped dead in his tracks, blinking at the cowboy napping in front of his door, watching as he awkwardly lumbered to his feet and those long legs straightened out. "…Irvine?"

"Hey Commander," Irvine answered casually as if they just happened upon one another when they both knew he'd been waiting. He tried to keep the pain out of his voice at seeing the way Squall was favoring one leg, licking at his split lip when he thought Irvine wasn't looking.

"…it's late."

"Yeah. Mind coming with me for a bit? I won't take up much of your time, promise."

Squall didn't know what to answer. On the one hand, he was confident whatever was on Irvine's mind at this hour he didn't want to know. On the other, there was something in Irvine's eyes that seemed more vulnerable than he was used to, something that said 'I've been waiting a long time.'

Squall gave a brief nod. "You'd better not. I'm tired." 'And I ache everywhere,' he thought, leaning on his gunblade case and wishing his t-shirt and jacket didn't feel so heavy against the nail marks on his back but determined not to show it.

Irvine wanted to carry him, or cure him, or at the very least help support his weight, but Squall was too proud so they walked in awkward silence toward the Quad. In the darkened silence of the hallways, Squall noticed for the first time that Irvine shortened his steps to make it easy to keep pace with him. Irvine was tall and had a naturally long stride. He tested the theory, shortening his own steps slightly more to see…and sure enough Irvine's pace shortened to meet his. Squall resumed walking normally and Irvine's pace subtly lengthened to match. How long had Irvine been matching his pace without him ever noticing? And why did he bother? Squall never did such a thing. He just expected you to keep up. It was one of Irvine's hidden gentlenesses. He only acted tough, and Squall felt painfully reminded of that as Irvine led him to a bench in the Quad with a perfect view of the landscape stretching out beyond Balamb. There was a good coating of snow on the ground now and the flakes continued to fall.

Irvine lounged on the bench and looked out at the moonlit landscape. "Pretty, ain't it?" he asked. "It's worth it to stop once in a while and appreciate the little things."

Squall had to take a moment to find the best position. "What is it with you and snow?" he complained. 'Dragging me out here in the middle of the night…' His breath caught in his throat as he actually looked out the panoramic windows though. It _was_ pretty. Peaceful, even. It evoked a sense of calm in him that he didn't know how to reconcile.

"Not just any old snow," Irvine protested. "The first snow of the year. Months'll pass. It'll freeze, lump up n' get all annoying, turn into nasty, discolored ice," Irvine said, "but right now it's hard to think of all that. The first snow is like…ah…" Irvine struggled for words. With most people it was easy to talk on the fly, but he always had to be careful not to offend Squall and thought for a moment. "You remember that time a few months ago when Fuujin went without lunch because Zell cried that she got the last hot dog?"

"…" Squall quirked a brow. That had been kind of weird. Fuujin had never struck him as the kind and gentle type and besides that he didn't know what one thing had to do with the other.

"Sharing the first snow of the year with someone you care about is kind of the same thing," Irvine replied to the attentive silence.

Squall's shoulders tensed. Someone you care about? But…what exactly was Irvine trying to say?

"It's subtle, you know. It's not candy and flowers, it's not teddy bears with little red ribbons, but it's still kind of romantic. I guess you don't really get subtle, but if I sent you a candy gram you'd kill me." Irvine grinned impishly to hide the nervousness laced into his awkward confession. He turned his gaze to the side and sat up straighter, biting the inside of his cheek and watching for any sign that Squall was going to kill him for even suggesting it.

Squall was apparently not really in kill mode at the moment. In fact, he was helplessly confused. He just stared at Irvine for a long time like he'd grown an extra head and then rather lamely asked, "…what?"

Irvine gathered up what remained of his courage and smiled gently at Squall, for once looking dead serious. "I care about you, Commander Squall Leonheart. I thought the first snow would be as good a time as any to tell you. You know, romantic, but not in that way that would make you start swinging your gunblade at all things cute and fluffy like."

"…but!" 'But I'm with Seifer,' he wanted to say, but couldn't force the rest of the words out. He apparently wasn't required to as Irvine leaned in.

Squall leaned back a bit, tensing, but didn't get off the bench or make undue efforts to try to escape and soon the cowboy's breath was fluttering over his lips, and soon the cowboy's lips, pressed against his, were reminding him of crushed velvet and cinnamon and…

…and soon Squall was so stunned by the sheer gentle persuasion, the soft and adoring feeling that was nothing at all like when he and Seifer crushed their lips roughly together in passion that he found himself responding in spite of all the hazard signs flashing through his brain.

Irvine's hand cupped his cheek, but the supposed playboy didn't push too far. He pulled back, looking sad and relieved at once as he rested his forehead against Squall's forehead, gently caressed his hair. "I'm going to steal you from him," he informed the moody brunette. "I won't feel even a little guilty. You deserve so much better. I want to try and be that for you. I might fuck up, but at least you'll know I care."

Squall's heart thundered in his chest. He knew he should run screaming, or yell or at the very least push Irvine away. But his cheeks just flushed cutely and he found himself breathless, unable to say anything at all for a very long time.

Irvine rose from his seat, stuffed his hands into his pockets, and headed back to his room without pressing the subject further. Squall found himself unable to move for almost a solid hour. Sitting on a bench in the Quad, watching the first snow, he wondered what kind of cruel joke Irvine Kinneas was playing on him, and what he was going to do next.

-----

In the morning, Cloud woke to find Leon staring out the window with his arms across his bared chest, looking cold, but unwilling to rectify the situation. His hair was damp, so he'd probably just gotten out of the shower and was getting ready to wake his lover up as he did every morning, but something in the view or his own thought processes had delayed him. The blonde sat up in the bed and got up, walking over and looking out the window, gently resting a hand on the back of Leon's shoulder as he tried to figure out what the other man was looking at.

It had stopped snowing.

For the first time in a long time, Leon was the first to speak. "You'll always love Zach a little, won't you Cloud?"

Cloud wondered where the conversation came from, but knew that between them it was better to be blunt. It was too easy to misunderstand things otherwise and Leon was prone to seemingly random fits of jealousy. "…yeah," he answered.

Leon seemed to measure his next words carefully for a long time, but Cloud knew this silence was the kind that came before saying something, not the kind that came when he was finishing a conversation or starting to brood. It _had_ been three years, after all. They knew one another quite well by now. "…I understand how that feels."

And the silence that followed said in no uncertain terms that that was as much as Leon was ready to say for now. Cloud decided for the moment that it was enough. "Come back to bed. It's too early."

A faint smirk pulled at Leon's lips. "It's almost eight o'clock."

Cloud frowned at him and tugged Leon's by the arm away from the window, replying, "…yeah, what's your point? Come back to bed."

Looking down into Cloud's magnetic blue eyes, this time, Leon didn't miss the subtext. "We'll miss breakfast," he said, sounding very mildly amused.

"You can cook me brunch," Cloud retorted with a particularly strong tug.

Landing in a heap on the bed Leon gave Cloud one of his rare, genuine smiles. 'Yeah,' that expression said. 'I guess I owe you that much at least.'

----

To Reviewers:

StrifeValentine: You'll just have to keep reading to find out. :p


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I had to re-upload chapter 2 because for some reason the first time it chopped off the last paragraph. If you've read chapter 2 and it seemed somewhat incomplete, going back to it now should give you the remainder of that chapter.

**First Snow**

_He hid his memories in the top of his closet._

_He always disappeared for the first snow._

_I want to know you better than this._

_Not just who you are, but why._

_And when your eyes will be on me alone._

**Chapter Three: Not Your Secret**

The winter's snow was already beginning to melt and with it Leon's 'first snow moodiness' as Cloud had come to call it had faded from everyone's memory. Almost. Cloud still remembered it all too clearly. '…_I understand how that feels.'_ Leon had given him those words reluctantly but laced with apology. The brunette knew that at certain times of year he became impossible and he owed Cloud an explanation.

Cloud knew that if he waited around for Leon to bring up the subject he'd never know anything. He hated to admit he understood Leon's obsession with Zach, but he was starting to understand what it felt like to compete with a memory. That would be one thing if they were on even ground, but Cloud didn't even know who he was competing with, and it pissed him off to no end that everyone else seemed to know what was going on except for him. He was too proud to flat out ask and he didn't want Leon to know how much it was bothering him.

He had half a mind to just open up that box in the top of the closet that had started to look heavier each time he looked at it, but only because he kept wondering what was inside and if it would tell him what he wanted to know. So that left him with wracking his brain to get others to bring up Leon's past—something that was apparently more taboo than Cloud had ever realized.

He should just swallow his pride and demand Leon tell him everything he wanted to know but he was afraid such an action would only drive his dark-haired lover away. And it wasn't just the first snow. There were other times of year that Leon was just a complete bastard to deal with and Cloud was starting to wonder if there was a connection or if the points were totally unrelated. He'd become so completely obsessed with Leon's secreted history, and how to find it out without driving his lover away that he hardly even thought about conquering his own darkness or Sephiroth, or brooding over his history anymore. He was a man possessed, and he was _annoyed_. It drove him crazy that he wanted so desperately to know everything there was to know about Leon, but that Leon showed so little interest in his own past. It drove him even crazier that Leon didn't even notice.

They'd been seeing each other for three years and Cloud could count the things he knew about Leon on his hands and have fingers to spare:

1. He'd been some kind of mercenary before the heartless swallowed up his world.

2. He liked guys shorter than he was.

3. He hated carrots.

4. He'd had a number of relationships and one of them had been with a girl who kind of looked like Tifa.

5. When he was annoyed, his eyebrow twitched and he pinched the bridge of his nose.

6. He took his coffee black with one sugar. If it wasn't perfect he wouldn't drink it.

7. He was kind and gentle and damn good in bed.

He needed names, damnit! Faces! And nobody was supplying any of it. Squall Leonheart wasn't the only person in the world to have a relationship go bad! Sephiroth had killed Cloud's previous lover. It couldn't be worse than that. Impossible. "Argh!" Cloud flailed and punched Leon's pillow. 'I'm the one who's right beside you, you bastard!'

"What are you doing?" Leon asked with a quirked brow as he entered the room. Cloud's eyes widened at being busted. How was he supposed to answer that?

"Fluffing the pillows?" he asked more than said.

Leon sighed and sat down next to Cloud on the bed. He knew Cloud had been acting bizarre lately, but was afraid Cloud would go ballistic if he mentioned it, so he did what he always did when he was afraid Cloud would go ballistic—pretended not to notice. But now that he'd found the other man beating the tar out of his pillow he figured it was time to sit down and listen to what his lover had to say. He didn't have to voice this, just wait for Cloud to start talking, really. They both knew Leon's 'alright, I'm listening' pose by now.

Cloud sighed as Leon seemed to settle in for the long haul and leaned his head against the brunette's shoulder. "Sometimes, I really hate you," the blonde began.

Leon quirked a brow and let his hand rest on Cloud's opposite hip.

"You know so much more about me than I know about you."

There was a telltale tension in Leon's shoulders before he sighed and asked. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything!" Cloud demanded automatically. He'd been wanting to know for so long that the word exploded out of his mouth before he could stop it.

Leon actually chuckled a bit. "That would take a while."

"Especially given how much you like to talk," Cloud retorted with a faint blush at his own adamancy and the fact that Leon was teasing him. He paused and thought for an extended moment. Once Merlin told him the only way to get the right answer was to ask the right question. Cloud felt like he'd spent three years asking all the wrong ones. He thought for a long moment before saying, "Well, for starters…that cowboy hat you hide in the top of the closet. Tell me about the guy it belonged to?" He knew it was a guy. It had to be.

For a moment, Leon looked more vulnerable that Cloud had ever seen him. That had been the right question, apparently, but Cloud felt guilty because for an instant, it looked as though his lover might actually burst into tears. Instead, Leon took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. When he lowered his hand again, he was ready to talk for a while as much as they both knew he hated to do so.

"His name was Irvine," he answered. "Irvine Kinneas. I…" Leon struggled for a simple sentence that would explain the relationship he'd had with Irvine from start to finish. He opened his mouth twice and closed it twice as if he decided against what he was about to say. Cloud waited patiently as his lover shook his head and sighed as if all words for Irvine were totally inadequate until a wry little smile twisted his lips. "You would have hated him," Leon said at last. "He could be so obnoxious sometimes…and stubborn."

"As stubborn as you?" Cloud quipped finding that Leon was finally ready to remember his old flame out loud, and thank god for that!

Leon pulled Cloud a little tighter against him. "Worse," he answered. "Do you want me to tell you about him or not?"

Cloud cuddled up more tightly against Leon, glad that 'someday' had finally come. "Go on."

"I was dating someone else back then, but Irvine didn't care…"

-----

Squall tried to avoid Irvine like the plague after winter's first snow. One might think that would be a damn easy task considering how large Balamb Garden was. Unfortunately they existed in the same circle of friends and Irvine somehow knew all the places Squall liked to haunt when he was working on becoming invisible, so that really didn't go very well for him. Irvine was everywhere. And Seifer? Seifer had disappeared with Fuujin and Raijin again to lord only knows where. If pressed, Squall had to admit he didn't really miss Seifer, and he also might have to admit he didn't miss Seifer not being there to interrupt all the attention Irvine was giving him.

Squall Leonheart had never considered himself an attention-hog. He never thought he wanted anyone to notice him. …but when Irvine always seemed to notice exactly where he was in a room, smile, wave, and head over to chat, Squall found himself fighting the urge to smile. It was like Irvine had some weird kind of 'Squall Radar', and it was making Squall anxious. He didn't want to want Irvine's attention. He didn't want to be 'stolen away'. He felt like he had no say at all in this situation.

He wanted to know when Irvine was going to kiss him again. He waited for it, prepared to look irritable and put out this time, though deep down he knew he wanted to feel and taste those tender lips again. 'No no no! Oh crap, he's coming over here!' Squall did his best to look disinterested and scowl at the paper lanters Selphie had him hanging for this year's Spring Festival. It was a totally bothersome idea that involved concession stands and games, so naturally everyone but Squall loved it…and Squall had somehow gotten roped into helping which basically meant contact with Irvine Kinneas…up 35 from the norm—and that 35 translated directly into his heart rate as the pony-tailed cowboy strolled over. "Need help?" he asked, looking down at where Squall fumbled with the string he was lacing through the appropriate slot.

"No!" Squall replied, a little to impassioned to be considered a typical Squall response.

"Really?" Irvine asked smoothly, taking the opportunity to rest a hand on Squall's back. "Looks like you're having trouble."

Squall tensed, his heartbeat thundering under Irvine's fingertips. He knew the other male could feel it, but Irvine showed no sign. It had been two and a half months. Two and a half months of over thinking and agonizing and wondering when Irvine was going to make another move on him until all he could think about was that one night when Irvine had confessed his feelings. So much time had passed he was almost convinced he'd dreamed the entire thing. But then Irvine would flirt rather shamelessly with him, or lean in just a little closer than was proper, or touch him when he didn't need to, like now, and it sent little fibers of electricity screaming up Squall's spine until he was sure the cowboy was trying to drive him insane.

"I'm fine," Squall returned in clipped tones, dropping the lantern by sheer accident. Irvine's hand subtly soothed down the line of his back. "Hey Sephie!" he called. "I'm gonna take Squall with me to carry that paper mache you asked for, so have someone else finish these lanterns, okay? I won't be able to carry it all on my own!"

Selphie grinned and waved and before Squall could open his mouth again he'd been dragged halfway across Balamb Garden, shoved into the elevator, and was having his face inhaled. He gasped, but the gasp soon turned into a soft moan as Irvine pulled him tightly against his chest. He should feel bad about this, wrong, terrible. …at the very least he should feel like he was cheating on his boyfriend. After all, he _was_, but logical thought and Irvine Kinneas didn't seem to meet anywhere within Squall's brain.

"Sorry," Irvine said huskily, stepping back and awkwardly shifting his weight. "I promised myself I'd behave, but you make it really hard when you look at me like that."

Squall blinked, a flush coloring his cheeks as smoky gray eyes told Irvine he had no idea what he was talking about.

"Yeah," Irvine said. "Like that. Innocent. Sexy. …and the way your pulse always starts racing when I touch you lately. Squall, forget Seifer, _please_. I want to be your boyfriend, not your secret."

-----

In spite of the fact that Cloud felt he should be jealous of the slight adoration in Leon's tone as he talked about Irvine Kinneas, Cloud found himself wrapped up in the story as the man once known as Squall Leonheart unraveled for him. He was afraid to even breathe the wrong way and distract him and he knew it was a sign of trust that Leon was sharing so much with him now.

But Leon paused and exhaled slowly as if he needed to take a breather for a moment because the memories had become too much.

"What did you say?" Cloud asked after an extended pause.

"What do you think I said?" Leon replied. "I was completely obsessed with him and I hated him for it. I punched him and told him to go to hell. Then I pretended to have the flu and locked myself in my room for two days."

Cloud couldn't help himself. He started laughing and couldn't stop. "That's so lame! What a crappy story! Haha!" Still, it was so quintessentially Leon that the story only endeared him to the other man even more. "Geez, at least when Zach asked me out I had the common sense to say 'I'll think about it'. Good lord, you were like an overgrown third-grader, and people decided to put you in charge? Were they insane?"

"Yeah yeah, I get it. I suck. Are you done laughing now?"

"Hehehe," Cloud chuckled. "I don't know. Give me a minute." Cloud thought back to the first signs of attraction between them. It had been early fall, and they'd beaten the tar out of one another at the Olympus Colloseum Tournament being held at the time. Cloud had been on a mad hunt for Sephiroth and in what he thought was a sudden move, right when a finishing blow should have occurred, Leon had slapped him upside the head and told him to get his head out of his ass before he misses the things right in front of his face.

The next morning he'd woken up naked and curled up on the brunette's strong arms. He chuckled once more. Maybe Leon hadn't gotten that much better at expressing his feelings after all. He decided not to mention that to Leon at the moment or he'd be sleeping alone for a while. "I see why you say he was stubborn," Cloud replied at last.

"He always said, 'I prefer to call it persistent' and gave me this stupid smile. Such a pain in the ass," Leon said, a soft smile gracing his features. "He was the one who deserved better, not me."

Now Cloud was starting to feel a little jealous. How exactly does one go about competing with the past, anyway? He didn't know Leon had asked himself the same question at least twice a day for the past three years. He didn't know this obsession they had with the past was the one thing that might tear them apart.

-----

_...to be continued…_


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Just a reminder that I'm adhering to the FFVIII versions of most characters. That said, Seifer is 6'2. Those of you who are used to the KH version of him, just learn to live with the discrepancy. (He looks so puny in KH2, seriously…)

Fandom: Kingdom Hearts/Final Fantasy VIII

Pairings: Leon/Cloud, Irvine/Squall, with some mention of Seifer/Squall and Zach/Cloud

Standard Disclaimers Apply.

**First Snow**

_He hid his memories in the top of his closet._

_He always disappeared for the first snow._

_I want to know you better than this._

_Not just who you are, but why._

_And when your eyes will be on me alone._

_Hey, would you miss me if I were gone?_

_Would you know what you'd lost?_

**Chapter Four: Tall Guys**

Leon stood with his arms crossing his chest, leaning against the wall. He was trying to look disinterested, but the way his eyes followed Cloud around the room as the blonde packed his bag said volumes.

Cloud closed the duffel bag with a definitive zip. "It's almost August anyway," he said. "You know as well as I do that you don't want anything to do with anyone in August, least of all me. And I know as well as you do that you have no intention of telling me why. I need to finish things with Sephiroth anyway, so this is the best time of year to do it. We'll be out of one another's hair." He hated to say it. He wanted Leon to tell him 'no, don't go. I want you here. Stay with me. I need you,' but he knew Leon well enough to know this conversation wasn't going to end the way he wanted it to.

Leon wouldn't say it, even if it's what he was thinking. He'd been trying not to think about it for a long time—the 'Sephiroth Issue'. He knew Cloud would eventually leave again. He just didn't know it would be his fault. "…I understand," he said. "Be careful. I'll see you in a month." He pushed off the wall and turned towards the Bailey. There was work to do, things that needed fixing.

But the problem blooming between himself and Cloud…that was something he didn't know how to fix. He wasn't good at 'needing'. He was even worse at saying goodbye. He prayed this wasn't 'goodbye' but 'see you later', but all he had to go on was hope. And the worst part of it was that he had no one to blame but himself.

Cloud watched him go, hands stuffed in his pockets, shoulders tense, waiting…but Leon never turned around. He disappeared down into the Bailey without ever looking back. Cloud kicked the wall in irritation. "I love you too, you asshole…for what little it may be worth."

-----

Leon slumped against the wall, covering his face with a gloved hand. 'Damn you, Cloud Strife. You don't understand a thing!' In irritation, Leon kicked the wall, not realizing how much alike he and his blonde lover truly were.

-----

'Nngh-ah! Aah! Irvine!" The Smokey eyed youth arched, then collapsed against the mattress, chest heaving as he tried to get air back into his lungs.

Without warning, things had progressed on a downward spiral. Squall no longer even gave Seifer a passing thought. It was the blonde's own fault, really. He'd been missing for half a year and Irvine hadn't wasted a moment of it in the wooing of Commander Squall Leonheart. It hadn't taken much. Irvine was certain that Squall had spent the better part of his life just waiting to be wooed. Squall tried actively not to think about the fact he didn't protest as much as he knew he should, or about how flattered he was when he noticed Irvine was flirting with the girls at Balamb Garden a lot less than he used to.

"Squall," Irvine replied with a husky moan, long auburn tendrils falling around them as he kissed the languid teen before collapsing next to him. "I love you," he murmured, pulling the blankets up and cuddling into his new lover. He was willing to accept a split lip and a black eye if it meant half a year later at the end of summer Squall would be so completely his. Sure, Squall never really answered when he confessed like that. Mostly he just said 'hn' and let his eyes drift closed after they made love, but the fact that he was here in Irvine's bed told the cowboy everything he needed to know, and those gray eyes told him so much more than Squall would ever admit to that Irvine couldn't really bring himself to mind, especially on days like this one when he knew Squall really didn't have the time to humor him and yet, he was here anyway.

"I have to leave," Squall said after breath returned into his lungs.

"I know," Irvine answered. "Nothing I can help with, is it?"

Squall just shook his head negatively. "…I'll stay a few more minutes." He hated to admit how much he adored Irvine. It was hard to reconcile being self-sufficient for so many years with suddenly not being able to get through a day without seeing his lover. He knew he shouldn't. He had a lot of work to do. But as he lay here with Irvine in the afterglow he couldn't help but think 'it can wait a little longer, can't it?' He found it far too easy to fall asleep when Irvine's body heat was seeping into his bones like this…

The door slammed open suddenly and Squall turned his head languidly before jolting upright in surprise. "Seifer?!" Past him, he could see Zell had been tugging on the overbearing blonde's arm, trying to dissuade him. He looked apologetically from Irvine to Squall and back again.

The cowboy cursed under his breath and Seifer finally flung Zell off, pissed beyond reason at seeing his supposed boyfriend naked in bed with another man. His jaw was set in a firm line. Zell hit the wall with a sickening crunch and slumped to the floor with a curse.

"Squall, we're leaving. _Now._"

Squall at least had the common sense to look a _little_ ashamed of himself as he whispered "…no."

-----

"I'm looking for someone," Cloud had told the teenagers he stumbled upon after landing in Twilight Town.

After some small degree of physical description, Hayner declared "well, I haven't seen anyone like that."

"Me neither," Olette answered.

"If someone like that came through town, I bet Seifer would know," Pence offered. Seifer had this weird way of knowing everything. It was kind of creepy, but if someone as strong as Cloud described this silver-haired male to be had passed through Twilight Town, Seifer had probably fought him at least once.

The word rang too many bells in Cloud's head. Seifer. _Seifer_. It wasn't a common name. "Where can I find this Seifer?" he asked as casually as he could manage even as bells and whistles rang through his brain at the coincidence. It had to be _that_ Seifer. Cloud could feel it in his bones.

"Probably near the Sandlot," Hayner answered. "Can't miss him. Has a bad attitude. Wears a stupid hat. Has a scar right here." He traced a finger over the bridge of his nose that was identical to the one Leon bore. Cloud's chest constricted. Seifer. That was a name Leon had mentioned by saying 'dating him was a very bad idea.' All thoughts of Sephiroth flew out of his mind. Seifer would know what had happened back then. Leon had only told him so much and the details he left out hung precariously over their relationship as if just waiting for the perfect opportunity to ruin everything. He'd told Cloud a lot, more than Cloud had expected, but not as much as he needed to know. Leon's explanation left more questions than answers.

He knew that Irvine was important to Leon, that he'd left Seifer for him and that…something happened. He was confident that if Irvine was still alive Leon would still be with him. Leon hadn't said that Irvine had died, not in so many words, but Cloud wasn't stupid. If he loved Irvine this much even after so much time, even with another lover, there must have been some kind of tragedy, and Seifer would be able to shed some light on it. And Seifer had the same scar his lover had.

He needed to know the rest of the story.

-----

Seifer's eye twitched. Did Squall just tell him 'no'? Impossible. Squall was _his_ not _Irvine_'_s_! It had never dawned on Seifer to think of Squall as his own person. Most of the time he looked at Squall and thought of him as a pretty object, something he owned that did a decent job of satisfying his lust and that he could put on a shelf for future reference when he wasn't using it that no one else would think to pick up if he abandoned it long enough. It wasn't that he particularly wanted Squall. He just didn't want anyone else to have him. Their relationship had never been monogamous for Seifer's part. Squall was a convenience. Even so, he was enraged.

"Fucking whore," he spat, grabbing Squall roughly by the arm and tugging him from the bed, his grip bruising as he noticed the evidence of recent lovemaking on his supposed boyfriend's abdomen.

Squall hissed and tugged his arm away.

"Get dressed," Seifer demanded.

"…" Squall didn't know how to answer so he chose sullen silence. The defiance got him slapped across the cheek.

Irvine, stunned shock wearing off, finally scurried out of bed and pulled his pants on. "He told you to get lost, blondie, so leave him be," he demanded. He knew he wasn't really any match for Seifer, but that didn't mean he could just sit here and do nothing while Seifer slapped his lover around.

Zell cursed under his breath again, trying to get himself to his feet. He was dizzy—came with crashing head first into a wall, but Zell had always had a hard head—something the martial artist would gladly admit to.

"_FINE!_" Seifer declared. I'll just drag you through the halls naked, if you insist, stupid little slut." He grabbed Squall's arm again and Squall pulled his arm away again.

"You don't have any right to judge me, as many lovers as you have," Squall snapped bitterly. "I don't want to be with you anymore."

Enraged, Seifer whipped out his gunblade in the small room. Squall grimaced as blood splattered across his chest, but didn't know what had happened right away.

Irvine, a look of surprise, and then intense pain, crossed his features as he looked down at the blade that had accidentally speared through his midsection.

Seifer's eyes also widened in surprise as he realized the error his rage had caused. He might want Irvine Kinneas dead but not like this. His hand shook, the blade clattered to the ground, releasing Irvine's sternum as Irvine's hands came to the wound as if they could stem the flow of blood.

"_Irvine_!" Squall shouted and ran to his lover's side, fumbling in his nearby pockets in a panic, looking for a potion, a cure, _something_. It wasn't like Squall to look so openly upset. It wasn't like Squall to look so openly anything. Seifer backed out of the room, horrified. He'd only just regained the relative trust of those around him after that mess with Ultimecia. And now…

…where was he supposed to go now?

-----

"You're Seifer." Cloud stated it certainly. There was no question in his tone at all. He was positive. With a scar like Seifer had he was hard to mistake. The man was huge. He had more than half a foot on Cloud Strife, who looked downright puny by comparison.

"Who wants to know?" Seifer retorted. His hat covered most of the scar, but a bit over the bridge of his nose could still be clearly seen.

"Do you remember a guy named Squall Leonheart?" Cloud asked without answering.

The tension in Seifer's shoulders gave him more than a sufficient answer. "What's it got to do with you, pipsqueak?" Seifer retorted. Squall Leonheart. He hadn't thought about Squall in a long time.

"I'm his boyfriend, not that it matters," Cloud quipped.

Seifer laughed as if he found the comment hilarious. Cloud blinked, not expecting the laughter. "Wh-what's so funny?!" he demanded. Leon had dated _this guy_? He was totally not his type, first of all, and secondly, he was a jerk! Cloud was tempted to hit him as hard as he could just to get him to stop laughing, but something about Seifer's laughter made him feel embarrassed.

"I don't believe you," Seifer blanketed when he was finished laughing.

"Why the hell not!?" Cloud demanded. Was he not good enough for Leon or something? He was good enough! He'd given up hunting down Sephiroth for Leon. Leon was the one who was being difficult!

"Because, Short Stuff," Seifer answered, bitter amusement laced in his tone of voice. "Squall only dates tall guys." Seifer chuckled. "Next you're going to be telling me he's on top." He waved Cloud's declaration off as an impossible joke.

Cloud blinked. Tall guys? Leon liked tall guys? Since when? Cloud frowned a little sulkily, feeling like an unattractive midget at Seifer's declaration. Leon had said himself he preferred guys shorter than him. Had he lied? Cloud's memory traced back to early in their relationship after a shared shower.

_His hair was wet and flat against his skull. It's usual spiky volume normally made him look at least a bit taller, but Leon_ _wrapped his arms around the blonde's waist and propped his chin on top of Cloud's head. "Don't pout," Leon_ _told him._

"_Why not?" Cloud retorted, feeling too short and too thin next to Leon_'_s sturdy build, not bothering to claim he wasn't pouting. Looking at his reflection in the mirror he knew that argument wouldn't hold any weight._

_Leon graced him with a faint smirk and moved slightly to the side, tilting Cloud's chin up to claim his lips in a sweetly lingering kiss. "Because," he answered. "You look cute when you pout and we just bathed. Yuffie will kill me if we use up all the hot water again."_

_Cloud slumped against him. "Don't call me 'cute'. It makes me feel like a little kid," the blonde protested. _

"_Sora's a little kid," Leon_ _replied. "You're just short."_

"_Hey!"_

"_But don't worry," Leon_ _continued to tease. "I prefer short guys anyway."_

"…"

"_Cloud…"_

"…_you're finished growing, right?" the blond said sulkily._

"_Pretty sure. Yeah," Leon_ _answered in his 'what are you getting at?' tone._

"_Good," Cloud answered, turning to wrap his arms around the taller, broader male. "Because if you get any taller I might not love you anymore."_

_Leon_ _smirked, kissed him again, and said "likewise."_

But Seifer wasn't even remotely short. He doubted he ever had been. So why had Leon said that. He paused, silent, uncertain and then declared on a sudden impulse…

"How tall was Irvine?"

Seifer tensed and turned. That dropped name had him convinced. This pipsqueak really _was_ Squall's current boyfriend, or at least knew him extremely well. There was a long silence before the man answered. "…six foot or thereabouts. A little shorter than me. You really _do_ know Squall."

'Not half as well as I'd like to,' Cloud thought, but just crossed his arms over his chest, frowned and said "…yeah."

-----

To Reviewers:

_Krad_ and _Lauren_: not much to say but thanks. I appreciate the support.

_Sorceress Fantasia:_ I'd like to know what happens next too! Hah. I have some ideas, but mostly I'm just winging it. It's funny though that I update quickly now, because way back when I was fairly infamous for taking my sweet old time. Actually, I'm just trying to finish the story before a move I'm making in the next few weeks. If I'm lucky I'll finish it in time. If not, I'll just end up uploading a bunch of chapters at once when I get back from said move. We'll see if I can keep up the current pace for updates. Sorry if you think the pace is slow, but I'm sort of taking my time and exercising some degree of subtlety as I go. It's not everyone's cup of tea but I do hope you're enjoying the story anyway.

_scarlettHuntress:_ I'm not fully certain I understand everything you had to say, but I will say that despite what some people will tell you, FFVIII is a highly entertaining game that I fully recommend if you can get your hands on it and Kingdom Hearts really only does justice to Squall (don't get me wrong, I love the KH series too, but they did a much better job on the FFVII characters than they did on the FFVIII ones.) Thank you for the flattery and I will try to keep the story entertaining.


	5. Chapter 5

Standard Disclaimers Apply.

Fandom: Kingdom Hearts/Final Fantasy VIII

Pairings: Leon/Cloud, Irvine/Squall, some mentions of Seifer/Squall and Zach/Cloud

**First Snow**

_He hid his memories in the top of his closet._

_He always disappeared for the first snow._

_I want to know you better than this._

_Not just who you are, but why._

_And when your eyes will be on me alone._

_--- _

_Hey, would you miss me if I were gone?_

_Would you know what you'd lost?_

_Even the memory of your touch is too much _

_to_ _bear when you're not here._

**Chapter Five: House of Cards **

"What do you want, runt?" Seifer had finally asked. "Don't tell me you came all this way just to see me because you're jealous."

'Arrogant bastard,' Cloud thought. 'Leon called you a bad idea. I would've called you a regret.' "It's not important anymore. Tell me what happened to Irvine."

A dark smile twisted Seifer's lips and a shadow entered his eyes that made Cloud almost shudder. It was a look that reminded him of the darkness in himself that he'd been trying to get rid of for so long. Sephiroth. Someday he would, really…just…not right now. Trying to salvage what was left of his relationship and sate his curiosity was more important. "I killed him," Seifer said as if he were talking about the weather. "…probably."

Cloud's eyes widened at how easily Seifer said so. "What do you mean _probably_."

"Obviously, pipsqueak," Seifer began, and Cloud's jaw tensed but he remembered a certain saying about dead men telling no tales. "I didn't stick around to find out if it took."

-----

Beep … Beep … Beep…

The rhythm of the monitor was slower and stuttered more often than Squall cared to think about. He'd done this once before—sat in the infirmary in the middle of the night clutching at cold fingers, praying for a response. Then, he had thought it was love, but the prone form of Rinoa Heartilly wasn't half this painful to bear. Irvine's entire torso was covered in bandages, the stomach already stained a brownish shade from blood and effluent as Irvine's body tried to heal. The cowboy, pale-skinned enough when healthy, turned sheet white when ill and he felt so _cold_. Squall had draped his coat over Irvine's torso and hadn't pulled himself from the other brunette's side in days, Garden be damned. He was lucky enough to have capable friends who could cover for him when he was being impossible to deal with.

Squall Leonheart was just that type. He tried to push the world away, but when he committed to something, it was for good. Before he realized it, Squall had committed to Irvine. Dr. Kadowaki had said 'the next forty eight hours will be critical'. That was five days ago and Irvine's condition hadn't changed. There was nothing anyone could do but wait.

"Don't you dare leave me now," Squall whispered. "I'll never forgive you." Silence and the semi-rhythmic beating of Irvine's heart was the only answer he received. "Damn you Irvine Kinneas, say _something_."

-----

Cloud shivered. It wasn't the chill breeze that ruffled though his hair as he sat on the rooftop, thinking. It was the cold words that gripped his chest. He himself had killed people before. He wasn't claiming complete innocence, but he didn't feel good about it. Sephiroth fed on death and destruction. Seifer Almsay—Seifer didn't seem to care. Still, if Leon's lover at the time was killed by his previous lover…well maybe Cloud could understand why he didn't want to talk about it, a little. Sephiroth had killed Zach, after all and that was kind of similar in a bizarre, sick, and twisted sort of way, but what bothered him even more was that Leon preferred tall guys, and he lied about it. It should be a trivial, pointless thing, but it told Cloud how much Irvine's death had affected his lover and it made Cloud feel as if his entire relationship was built on a house of cards, just waiting for the slightest breeze to come along and make everything go crashing down around them.

He lowered his face into his hands.

Without Leon what would he have? Just his hate for Sephiroth, just his desire to destroy Sephiroth to keep him going. That was probably why, he realized, he never asked Seifer about his silver-haired counterpart—he needed something familiar to hold onto. Frowning up at the darkening sky, Cloud realized it was the end of summer. He'd accomplished very little, but might as well just go home. He needed to talk to Leon.

'What am I to you, anyway? Do you really love me? Or will anyone do? Anyone who doesn't remind you of Irvine Kinneas, that is. Damn you Squall Leonheart. Damn you and damn your past too.'

-----

Leon frowned at the bed and rubbed his eyes. It was hard to sleep when half the bed was cold, especially when he'd spent all month torn between his memories and wondering if said half the bed was going to stay that way. 'Damn you Cloud Strife, don't you know when I'm impossible to deal with is when I need you with me the most? Can't you guess that much without me having to say it?'

Leon buried his head in his hands. Even now he was still so terrified of being alone, especially in August. And so, naturally, Cloud chose August to disappear to hunt for Sephiroth. Leon secretly prayed he didn't find him. If he did, after all, Cloud might not come back.

"…Yuffie tells me you've been more impossible than usual."

Leon startled and jolted up, shooting his gaze toward the doorway, eyes giving him away. 'Thank god you're safe,' he thought as Cloud stepped into the room, dropping his duffel bag and buster sword by the door.

Cloud tried to act casual, but it was difficult, especially with the uncertain look in Leon's eyes and the way that as soon as he was within arm's reach Leon pulled him up against him in a desperately tight embrace without saying a word and it didn't feel as if Leon planned to let go any time soon.

Cloud sighed, still not sure if Leon really loved him, but understanding that the gunblader needed him, and wrapped his arms around the larger man in comfort. 'I'm back' he said without words, and Leon's embrace tightened as if answering without words 'welcome home'. "You should have told me that Seifer killed Irvine," Cloud said after staying in the position a long while, when Leon seemed calmer.

Leon blinked and leaned back. "Who told you that?" he asked, perplexed.

"…Seifer did," Cloud answered a little hesitantly, not sure how Leon would take it.

"Ah," Leon answered briefly, as if Cloud's comment made more sense to him now. He let go, sat on the edge of the bed and gave Cloud's hand a brief tug to get the blonde to sit with him.

Cloud did, a bit hesitantly, and noted that Leon kept him close and didn't let go of his hand as if afraid he might vanish at any moment. "Seifer didn't kill Irvine, but I understand why he thinks so," Leon began hesitantly. "The wound was bad. They didn't know if he would make it. He was in critical condition for a long time. He didn't open his eyes for a month."

Cloud put two and two together. Irvine had been comatose for a month. Leon was impossible to deal with in August. "You were afraid of losing him."

Leon leaned his head against Cloud's shoulder and let out a shaky breath. "…terrified. Even now thinking of how pale he was scares me to death."

Cloud ran his fingers through Leon's long, dark hair. He always thought of Leon as a pillar of support for everyone in Hollow Bastion. Mostly silent and easy to overlook, but always there when you needed him. It had never dawned on him to ask who was supporting Leon. He didn't realize how much the taller man depended on him. Just his presence was enough. He prayed that was enough to keep them together when he felt like a convenient substitute for what Leon really wanted. He would ask for the details about what happened to Irvine later, he decided. Leon was obviously not up to it at the moment, but he still felt bitter and moody about the entire affair.

"…did you find Sephiroth?" Leon asked to break the awkward moment and try to drive the subject away from his own past.

"…I hear you prefer tall guys," Cloud retorted.

Leon lifted his head and blinked. Huh?

"Seifer is huge, and he tells me Irvine wasn't much smaller," he huffed, knowing it was stupid to needle such a trivial point when there was so much more going on that he wanted to know about.

The tension broken by Cloud's cute little pout, Leon let out the breath he didn't know he'd been holding in an almost-chuckle. "Cloud, I was only 5'8. Most guys were tall guys by comparison. I only even knew one guy shorter than me, and he was kind of…" Leon tried to find a way to describe Zell that wouldn't be an insult to Cloud. After all. They were both short. They both had spiky blonde hair. Never mind that their personalities were completely different, Cloud would still be offended if he wasn't careful. "…eccentric."

Cloud huffed a bit, which prompted Leon to quirk a brow at him, wondering what the issue was now.

Cloud frowned at being forced to elucidate before muttering, "…I'm only 5'7."

Leon smirked at the adorably self-conscious gesture and pulled Cloud back suddenly onto the bed.

"Wha..!?" Cloud protested.

"Your side of the bed is cold," Leon said seemingly out of nowhere, kissing Cloud's temple gently.

Some people might find such a non sequitur confusing, but Cloud relaxed, understanding the way Leon's mind worked. It was too embarrassing to say 'I missed you.' Relenting for now with a sigh, Cloud wrapped his arms around Leon's neck and said, "then you'd better help me warm it up."

-----

To Reviewers:

shrouded-obsession: thanks, and here's another chapter then.


	6. Chapter 6

Standard Disclaimers Apply.

Fandom: Kingdom Hearts/Final Fantasy VIII

Pairings: Leon/Cloud, Irvine/Squall, some mentions of Seifer/Squall and Zach/Cloud

Warnings: Some perverted commentary, because, let's face it, Irvine is a perv.

**First Snow**

_He hid his memories in the top of his closet._

_He always disappeared for the first snow._

_I want to know you better than this. _

_Not just who you are, but why._

_And when your eyes will be on me alone._

_Hey, would you miss me if I were gone?_

_Would you know what you'd lost?_

_Even the memory of your touch is too much _

_to bear when you're not here._

_---_

_I want you to know me._

_Not just who I am, but why._

_But the words get stuck in my throat,_

_and I choke._

**Chapter Six: Burying the Hatchet**

Leon had been staring out the window watching the autumn leaves tumble for an hour. It was a habit the brunette had in the autumn that Cloud never thought much of. Everyone had their habits, and Cloud just figured Leon liked the pretty colors of Fall. But now…now he had to wonder. The slightly nostalgic look in those smoke gray eyes and Cloud's own preoccupation with Irvine Kinneas made him wonder. And yet, to bring himself to ask outright…even Cloud had a little pride.

"The weather's nice," he said. "I'm going for a ride."

Leon blinked and turned his gaze over his shoulder. "You'll be back in time for dinner?" he asked.

"Yeah. I just want to get some air. The weather will turn cold again soon."

Leon nodded, not suspecting that the blonde was sulking and turned his gaze back out the window, feeling fairly lazy at the moment and hoping he would be able to just enjoy the view for the rest of the day and no one would pester him about something that needed fixing.

He sighed as he watched Cloud ride off on his motorcycle below, looking irritable. Cloud always looked irritable lately. Leon knew their relationship was hanging on by a thread. He wasn't a complete fool, but he didn't know what he was doing wrong or how to fix it. "What exactly is it you're asking of me, Cloud?" he wondered with a sigh. "If you don't tell me frankly, I just don't understand what you're thinking at all."

-----

"What?" Squall blushed. He couldn't have heard that right. In fact, he wasn't even sure any of this was real.

"I said," Irvine chimed in a sing-song. "You. In my hat. And nothing else."

"Pervert!" Squall protested. "That's not a birthday present, it's porn."

Irvine had finally, _finally_ been let out of the infirmary. It was November now and Irvine sat on a bench in Balamb, having insisted, 'if I don't get out of Garden for a few hours, I swear I'm going to shoot myself.' He wasn't really in any condition to go far, but Squall finally relented, taking out one of the cars and driving him to the nearest town for some fresh air.

Even though he was using his rifle as a cane and couldn't really get around so well without help, the cowboy's color had returned and with it his perverted commentary. Squall could still remember so clearly the feel of Irvine's fingers, weak and shaky, brushing his cheek late one afternoon at the end of summer when he was dozing off next to his lover's hospital bed.

_Squall's head jerked up to meet sleepy looking indigo eyes and a weak smile. Irvine_ _licked his cracked lips and said "G'morning Sunshine" in a gravelly tone. He could really go for a glass of water. "Why so blue?" Unable to come up with anything to say, Squall buried his face in his hands, relieved, and then lifted his smoke gray eyes and lightly slapped Irvine_'_s biceps. "Never scare me like that again," he chastised._

_Irvine__laughed a little, though it sounded like a cough and he winced at the pain in his stomach. "No fair beating on the injured," Irvine__chastised. "But I won't rat you out IF you give me a kiss."_

_It was a price Squall Leonheart was more than willing to pay_.

Three months had passed since then. Summer had long since given way to Autumn and the leaves blew in the breeze around them. Squall found himself in quiet awe. He'd never before noticed the reddish brown was the same auburn as Irvine's hair, the gold the shade of the highlights in that long ponytail when the light hit it.

"Hey now," Irvine protested, dropping his black cowboy hat on top of Squall's head. "This is the first real date we've had in months, so no getting lost in that overused brain of yours, Squall Leonheart. I want all of your attention today, Mr. Commander." Irvine winced slightly when he turned the wrong way, but brushed it off before Squall could protest that he really shouldn't even be walking around yet.

"You _have_ all of my attention," Squall protested, feeling silly and taking off the hat.

"Do I now? Then it's a deal?"

"Yeah," Squall answered automatically before. "Wait, what deal?"

Irvine grinned impishly, telling him, "no no, you already agreed, it's too late to turn back now. I'll look forward to it."

"Look forward to wha…" The perverted little leer Irvine gave him made Squall wince as he remembered what Irvine had just been saying. "You _can't_ be serious," he protested.

"I'm very serious," Irvine complained. "You can't treat me like porcelain forever, you know. Especially when you look so cute when you blush. Get used to that hat, cowboy," he teased.

"Irvine!"

-----

"Sephiroth!" Cloud had not been planning or intending to run into the silver-haired man today, but that's usually when these things happen and really it was just lucky to be able to finish things with him once and for all, though the blonde's heart wasn't really in it when so overburdened with thoughts of Leon and his current role as replacement lover.

Sephiroth deflected the first strike of the buster sword easily, smirking. "Now now," he said. "Not so hasty. Don't you want to know more about our darling Irvine Kinneas?"

Cloud blinked. How in the hell did Sephiroth _always_ know what he was thinking? It didn't dawn on him to ask how he even knew about Irvine in the first place. Neither of them were from Leon's original world. His eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Come on now," Sephiroth said, bridging the gap between them fluidly with Cloud feeling dazed and completely off his guard. "I'm not so terrible, am I? I'm willing to tell you what I know, for a price."

Uh-oh Cloud. Don't take the bait. This is Sephiroth, aft all, your arch rival.

"…" Cloud narrowed his eyes suspiciously, but at the same time wondered if it was an opportunity he could refuse.

"Come now, don't glare at me like that. We're one in the same, after all. So let's bury the hatchet, hm? You've got bigger problems than little old me, don't you? You want to know how to compete with a memory. You want to know why Leon gets that look in his eye when he thinks of Irvine but never when he's thinking of you. You want to know why the autumn leaves make him feel so nostalgic. The answers will cost you very little."

Cloud's resolve faltered. "…what do you want?"

"Oh, a simple, small thing, really. It's of very little consequence," Sephiroth soothed, a hand cupping Cloud's jaw as he smirked down at him predatorily. "Just a kiss."

Cloud tensed and instinctively took a step back. He had a boyfriend damn it! A gentle, quiet, kind boyfriend who he adored. …and who he might lose to his own curiosity if he didn't find out what the hell was going on with him soon. He steeled himself, glaring into Sephiroth's eyes. "You're not just full of it, right? You really do know?"

Sephiroth made a show of sighing dramatically. "Oh fine fine, I'll tell you a bit for free to wet your appetite for knowledge and prove I'm not 'full of it'." Another dramatic pause passed before Sephiroth said, "Irvine Kinneas. Sharpshooter originally from an institution known as Galbadia Garden, later transferred to Balamb Garden to serve directly under Commander Squall Leonheart. Birthday, November 24th. 6'0. Weapon of choice: a silver rifle by the name of 'Exeter'. Attained the rank of SeeD when he was 17 for service in the battle against one Sorceress Ultimecia. Have I proven my worth yet?" the silver haired maniac quipped. "If you want more, it'll cost you a kiss."

A lot of that only opened up more questions about Leon's past than it answered. Leon had been a Commander of some 'institution'? And what was a SeeD? He supposed it was probably some kind of military rank. When he tried to find out years ago what Leon had done before ending up in Hollow Bastion and told the other he was a mercenary for SOLDIER, Leon had just said, "my job was basically the same thing." Cloud had let it slide, figuring the details were unimportant, but he didn't know that his lover had had a title as impressive as 'Commander'; no wonder he seemed to fall into a leadership role so easily. As for Irvine…

Cloud sighed. "Fine," he said. "Just one kiss." 'It's just a kiss,' he told himself. 'It doesn't have to mean anything, and Leon never has to know.' Of course, secrets were what had them in this situation in the first place, but Cloud had conveniently forgotten that for the moment.

----

Leon grumbled under his breath about computer viruses and Tron slacking off. Honestly, sometimes he felt like the others weren't capable of anything without sending him on some wild goose chase in or around Ansem's study. Cid seemed to be the only one who knew the first thing about computers most of the time. He wondered what kind of weird world the others had come from that they couldn't even manage something as simple as running an antiviral program, but didn't complain as per usual, but that didn't mean he didn't reserve the right to scowl and clench his fists as he made his way through the Restoration Site. What he found there made him pause behind a mound of debris in shock, his stomach lurching into his throat.

The silver-haired male smirked at him, eyes glittering in mischief once he released Cloud's lips. Cloud, back turned to Leon, didn't notice his lover standing there in shock and horror. Leon knew that face. He knew it better than he wanted to admit and it haunted him, but he'd never known the name that went with it. By all rights he should be furious. He should charge in swinging. Cloud had been kissing someone else and it was _that_ someone else. No. No no no!

But Leon had run out of rage years ago. He needed to clear his head, to think. It couldn't be what it looked like, right? Cloud loved him, didn't he? Sure, they weren't doing so great lately but he'd believed that at least Cloud still loved him, maybe…

…or maybe not. He spun about and ran. He didn't know where he was going or why but secretly prayed for some heartless—lots of them, something to kill, something to make his mind go blank. Unfortunately there weren't nearly enough enemies about to calm the fury and upset, and he found himself hurling over the edge of a small cliff. _Why?_ Why now? Why _him_?

-----

"Stop fucking around. I gave you your kiss, so tell me already. Tell me all the things you said you would," Cloud insisted, oblivious to Leon's previous presence or how much he had just unwittingly hurt his lover.

Sephiroth smirked. "Leon likes the autumn because the leaves remind him of Irvine's hair," Sephiroth said, tossing Cloud a faded photograph.

Looking down, Cloud wondered if maybe it was one of the photographs from Leon's box, but had given up now on worrying about that small privacy so long as he wasn't the one to dig it out himself. Leon, no, Squall, looked kind of put out, frowning a bit and looking to one side with his arms crossing his chest as if he'd just been the butt of some joke he didn't appreciate. A spiky haired blonde in the background seemed to be shaking his fist at what looked like it had to be Seifer—hard to tell without that stupid hat though, but what caught Cloud the most was the cheerful looking man with his arm draped over Squall's shoulders—the cowboy hat, the irreverent grin, the long auburn ponytail that really did make one think of tumbling autumn leaves. 'How am I supposed to compare to _this_?' he wondered. Irvine Kinneas. Looking closer, he noticed the faint blush on a 17 year old Squall Leonheart's cheeks.

"As for how to compete with a memory," Sephiroth informed. "…you can try, but you'll lose." He lifted his hand in a wave and started to stroll away.

"Sephiroth!" Cloud snapped. Damn it, that was barely any information at all! "How did Irvine die?"

Sephiroth smirked knowingly. "That information, my dear Cloud, will cost you considerably more than a kiss."

-----

To Reviewers:

_shrouded-obsession, Starpolish, Garnetwind_: thanks for the encouragement. I've been trying to do at least a chapter a day before my inspiration falls flat. Hope you've enjoyed this chapter as much as the previous ones.


	7. Chapter 7

Standard Disclaimers Apply.

Fandom: Kingdom Hearts/Final Fantasy VIII

Pairings: Leon/Cloud, Irvine/Squall, some mentions of Seifer/Squall and Zach/Cloud

Notes: For those of you unfamiliar with FFVIII to avoid confusion I'll say this much. Laguna Loire is Squall's father. The two have personalities that are polar opposites and they didn't meet until Squall was seventeen.

As additional trivia for those of you who'd like to know, Laguna is also the character that inspired my pen name. Guna is a nickname that I don't believe I shall ever live down for all eternity. In one of my older fics 'Until the End of Eternity and Longer', one chapter mentions him having the email address gunaoverthemoon at scribbleworthy . com …the email addy may not really exist, but the name stuck.

**First Snow**

_He hid his memories in the top of his closet._

_He always disappeared for the first snow._

_I want to know you better than this. _

_Not just who you are, but why._

_And when your eyes will be on me alone._

_Hey, would you miss me if I were gone?_

_Would you know what you'd lost?_

_Even the memory of your touch is too much _

_to__bear when you're not here._

_---_

_I want you to know me._

_Not just who I am, but why._

_But the words get stuck in my throat,_

_and__I choke._

_The difference between hello and goodbye_

_no__longer means a thing, if you're not here._

**Chapter Seven: Moving On**

Leon sat back on the balls of his feet and wiped his mouth. Ever since he'd seen Cloud kissing _that guy_ he couldn't keep anything down. He buried his face in his hands and wondered if he even had any tears to cry any more. If he did, now would be the time to shed them, he was sure of it…but no tears came as much as he longed for the relief a good cry might give him.

He stood, washed his face and brushed his teeth again and emerged from the bathroom to find Aeris sitting on the edge of the bed fingering the strap of his suitcase. "Are you sure, Leon?" she asked, big green eyes imploring him to reconsider. She knew how much Leon and Cloud cared for each other, even if they never said it. Surely there must be some way to fix what was broken between them. She knew something had happened, but she didn't know what.

"…I'll be around when you need me," he said. "I'll check out the problem with Tron later tonight."

"Leon…" she tried to pursue the subject. It had to ache and he refused to talk about it. She hadn't seen him like this since she'd first found him laying bruised and battered under some debris, not seeming to give a damn if the heartless killed him or not. He had the same look in his eyes now, like he was shutting down, turning away from everyone who cared about them, determined to get through his problems alone. This time the problem was Cloud. Everyone knew. Their relationship had been strained for a long time, but no one thought it would break altogether like this. Aeris rested her hand on Leon's arm, silently begging him to talk to her, to stay.

"It's over, Aeris," he said with a sigh, not able to completely shut himself off to the one who had been there trying to cheer him up since he'd lost Irvine…since he'd lost his entire world. He owed so much to her, but he couldn't keep going like this. "It's time to move on."

"But you love each other so much…" she protested. "Can't you give it one more chance?"

"…sometimes love isn't enough. Leave me be, alright? I want to be on my way before he gets home," Leon replied, struggling with his resolve. It wasn't like he was leaving Hollow Bastion, just Merlin's house. He'd stay in Ansem's study until he could find more permanent living arrangements. Alone. He didn't need much, just space enough for one somewhere not frequented by Cloud Strife, but somewhere the others would be able to find him if they needed his help. Just big enough for a small bed, a dresser, and maybe a place to hang a hat.

-----

"Hey, let's take a trip to Esthar."

Squall looked up, blinking. Sometimes Irvine said things that came out of nowhere. He had a pile of paperwork on his desk and Irvine, though he said he was going to help, really just sat on the other side of said desk keeping him company and occasionally distracting him, spinning his hat around on his fingertips. "I'm too busy," he answered. And anyway, Laguna was in Esthar, and Laguna and Squall in the same room always ended up giving Squall a headache and his father an awkward stutter and a leg cramp. In short, it was embarrassing for both of them. They didn't know how to react to one another. Laguna tried too hard to be a father after seventeen years of absence, and Squall didn't try hard enough to be a son because he was just too old to get all cute and excited about family outings…especially to amusement parks, which Laguna Loire still ran around like an over-excitable grade-schooler.

Irvine pouted at him. "You just don't want to introduce me to your Dad," he complained. "Are you embarrassed of me or something?"

Squall sighed and gave his lover a 'what are you on?' expression. "You already know Laguna," he retorted. "And Esthar is halfway across the world."

"But he knows me as 'Squall's friend' not 'Squall's _boy_friend. It's totally different! And you need a vacation."

Squall frowned. "Esthar isn't a vacation. It's a migraine waiting to happen."

Irvine sighed dramatically, "but we can't get legally married in Balamb. Geez. I wanted it to be all spontaneous and romantic too…"

Squall's jaw dropped. "What?!" He couldn't have heard that right. Impossible! And if he had how was he supposed to answer? He was only eighteen, and way _way_ too busy for one of Irvine's weird jokes.

Irvine didn't look like he was joking though. He leaned across the desk, took the pen out of Squall's hand, and took said hand between both of his own. "Squall Leonheart, I want you to marry me, and you've totally ruined the romantic proposal I'd planned because you're too stubborn."

Squall blinked. "I…uh…" What the hell was he supposed to say to that? Irvine wanted to marry him? Like…a wedding and…rings and stuff…his mind was blank with shock.

"Just say yes," Irvine prompted. "If you say no, I'll cry."

"Yes," Squall answered before his brain caught up with his mouth, and when it did he buried his face in his free hand to hide the blush and emotions screaming their way across his features. "Yes," he whispered again, embarrassed now that the initial shock had worn off, voice muffled by the palm of his hand.

Paperwork tumbled to the floor as Irvine, excited, yanked him to his feet and graced him with a passionate kiss. Squall, for once, let himself get carried away by the moment. He didn't finish his work that day.

-----

"'WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HIM!?" Yuffie had demanded, pounding on Cloud's chest when he entered.

Cloud blinked "…say to who?" he asked, perplexed. Yuffie was prone to bizarre behavior at times, but seeing the ninja girl on the verge of tears was kind of out of her usual range.

"Who do you think?!" Yuffie demanded. "Leon is _leaving_. Not even Aeris could convince him to change his mind so it _has to be_ your fault!" she insisted pounding on his chest.

"Leon is _what_?!"

Yuffie found herself promptly deposited on her ass as Cloud shoved her out of the way to pound up the stairs. 'Leon!'

-----

Leon was pulling his secret box out of the top of the closet when the door slammed open. He startled and crashed to the ground, the contents spilling into his lap. He didn't have a chance to say anything or even react before Cloud had grabbed his lapels and pinned him against the wall. "What do you mean you're _leaving?!!"_ the blonde demanded.

Leon looked sullenly away from hurt and enraged crystalline eyes saying nothing for a long moment before brushing the hands off of him and pushing Cloud lightly aside to put the items carefully away.

Daylight now, Cloud could see them more clearly. Photographs that he wished he could flip through at leisure, a warm coat that he recognized from the photo that seemed to burn a hole in his own pocket, longing to be with the others, that damnable cowboy hat, two small jewelry boxes that Leon clutched in his hand a moment longer than was necessary before putting them away. A dried and wilted white rose, the corners stained a strange shade of brown.

If he looked at Cloud now, his resolve might shatter. He might decide he could accept that Cloud was two-timing him, as long as it meant that he would be there beside him at night, that he would at least pretend he cared for Leon more than anyone else. Leon hated being so needy, so he forced himself not to turn around. "I think it's fairly obvious," he said in a tone as cold and clipped as he could manage. Thinking of Cloud kissing that man…it wasn't hard. He was severely pissed. He was also heartbroken but he didn't want the pain to show through. It felt too much like losing even as he knew that he'd already lost. He still had his pride. He wasn't willing to admit that pride had already driven a deep fissure between them.

"Damn it Leon!" Cloud demanded, putting his hand on the brunette's shoulder. "I…" he hesitated. It was hard to be frank when it mattered most. "I…" his voice lowered, embarrassed and he admitted. "I need you."

The words only enraged Leon, who pulled his shoulder away roughly and stood, picking up his few possessions. "Don't you think it's about time to stop lying, Cloud? It's over. I'm moving on while I still can."

Lying? Leon thought he was lying? It had taken all his resolve to say those three words. It had been so difficult! "You bastard!" he hollered. "Four years of my life and you're telling me that you can't even trust me?! Damn you Squall Leonheart! Damn you! I…!"

"_You have no right to say that to me!"_ Leon declared, enraged now. "Don't tell me about _trust_! You're the one who betrayed _me_, Cloud Strife. I saw you."

"What??"

"…with him. I saw you."

Cloud's heart lurched into his throat. 'No…he can't mean…' "That's not…!"

"…what it looked like?" Leon scoffed. "I find that hard to believe."

Cloud's legs went suddenly weak and he fell to a sitting position on the edge of the bed. "I…did it for you…" he said, hardly believing his own words because he knew how weak they were. "…for us…"

Leon's lip curled back in a sneer, still not daring to look at the blonde behind him as he stood in the doorway. "Don't do me any more favors."

"…Leon…" Cloud's voice cracked, much to his disdain. Maybe Leon could move on. Leon was strong like that, or so Cloud had always thought, but 'what am I supposed to do without you here? This bed is made for two.'

"...I would have forgiven you anything," Leon answered, barely above a whisper, the pain he tried to conceal lacing his voice. "…anything…except for _him_."

The door closed between them before Cloud managed to get in another word, shock and despair lacing a tangled web through his brain. He buried his face in his hands, trying to clear his thoughts, but only one thing seemed to rage through his mind at the moment: 'how the _hell_ does Leon know Sephiroth?! And why the _fuck_ didn't he tell me sooner!??'

Cloud fell back onto the bed, forcing the tears that wanted to fall into submission and buried his face in Leon's pillow as if absorbing the brunette's scent could make him change his mind, turn around, and bring him home.

-----

To Reviewers:

_Starpolish:_ Glad to hear it. I'll try to keep to that pace, but with an out of state move quickly approaching, there may be some lag. We'll just have to see how it goes, but I'm making the effort to at least.

_fullmetalguitar:_ hah! But if they were honest this wouldn't have been much of a fic, now would it? Poor boys.

_shrouded-obsession:_ As I said to _Starpolish_, I'm making the effort to, but there may be some lag thanks to a swiftly approaching move. If the pace does slow down, rest assured that I am down, but not out. I think I'll be able to keep the pace, but I can't guarantee anything at the moment. My life is in chaos, but writing this story is sort of…my own personal calm before the storm. …even if I'm making these poor boys suffer as I go.


	8. Chapter 8

Standard Disclaimers Apply.

Fandom: Kingdom Hearts/FFVIII

Pairings: Leon/Cloud, Irvine/Squall, some mentions of others

**First Snow**

_He hid his memories in the top of his closet._

_He always disappeared for the first snow._

_I want to know you better than this. _

_Not just who you are, but why._

_And when your eyes will be on me alone._

_Hey, would you miss me if I were gone?_

_Would you know what you'd lost?_

_Even the memory of your touch is too much _

_to_ _bear when you're not here._

_---_

_I want you to know me._

_Not just who I am, but why._

_But the words get stuck in my throat,_

_and_ _I choke._

_The difference between hello and goodbye_

_no_ _longer means a thing, if you're not here._

_---_

_So much has happened I can't even cry anymore._

**Chapter Eight: Lost and Found**

Squall shifted from one foot to the other, frowning and looking over his shoulder to where his father was grinning stupidly and evening out his collar. Behind them, Kiros looked at Ward, who grinned, and Kiros covered his mouth to hide a laugh. If he mentioned to Squall that he was currently shifting awkwardly in the same fashion Laguna had for so many years Squall might decide to kill him—wedding be damned.

Laguna gave his son a light rap on the skull. "Stand still!" he protested.

"What are you doing behind my back?" Squall complained. "And why do I have to wear this stupid thing anyway?" He pulled irritably at his cummerbund. "You won't see it when the jacket is buttoned anyway and I can hardly breathe."

"I spend an entire year getting you to talk to me, and now I find out all you know how to do is complain," Laguna teased. "It's okay to have butterflies, but you know, it's your wedding day, don't you want to look nice for Irvine?"

"Irvine likes how I look all the time," Squall muttered a weak protest that even he knew wasn't convincing.

"Fine, look like a slob for Irvine, buuut," Laguna said in a sing-song. "It's my only son's wedding day and I may never get you into a suit again, so you're just going to have to suffer through it so I get some nice pictures."

"Laguna!" Squall protested. "No pictures…please?"

Kiros laughed at that. "Are you kidding? The son of the President of Esthar and the Commander of Balamb Garden is getting married, and to another man at that! You'll be lucky if the ceremony isn't nationally televised."

Squall swallowed the lump in his throat and told the butterflies in his stomach to kindly shut the hell up as Laguna put the noose—I mean tie—around his neck. Why had he agreed to this marriage thing again?

"Hope I'm not too late to help!" a familiar voice chimed from beyond the door. "My date was being difficult."

Zell emerged bouncing and shivering, his spiky blond hair hidden under a black beanie.

"What are you doing here?" Squall asked, stunned to find Zell had come all the way from Balamb for his wedding. He was secretly flattered, but couldn't bring himself to admit to it.

"You can't get married without a best man!" Zell declared.

"I called him," Laguna informed. "You don't mind, right? I mean you said he was your best friend."

Zell's baby blues lit up brightly. "You said that?" he said more than asked and tackled the scarred brunette in a bruising embrace.

Squall cursed under his breath and wished his father would keep his big mouth shut as Zell spun him around happily. 'Not in so many words,' Squall thought, but decided it was better to just let Zell finish his jubilant embrace and set him down when he was ready—it tended to be less painful to let the martial artist run out of juice on his own. When set down, Squall brushed imaginary wrinkles out of his shirt. "So…best man?"

"Mmhm!" Zell chirped, nodding happily.

"…you're not going to wear that stupid hat, are you?"

Zell looked at it and laughed. "Hm? Me? No, no, this is a present for my date! He's a little shy. I picked it up on the way. You don't like it?"

"…it's the stupidest hat I've ever seen," Squall replied.

Zell looked down at the black kanji beanie and grinned as if he was plotting something. "Then it's perfect!"

-----

"Damn it Aeris, just _tell me_!"

Cloud was on a rampage. He'd spent a day moping in his suddenly over-large room, and on day two he was downstairs demanding answers, answers he was positive that Aeris knew. Aeris had spent the better part of the morning hedging and hesitating. She understood his pain, but at the same time didn't think it was her place to say.

Aeris put down the mug she was cleaning—Leon's, coincidentally—and sighed. "He doesn't know," she said.

Cloud blinked. "He doesn't know what?"

"…Leon doesn't know his name," she said. "Sephiroth's, that is, just his face. I didn't think I should tell him. Back then, I didn't know what he would do if he found out. You were so maddeningly obsessed with Sephiroth then. When he finally described Sephiroth to me, I…maybe it was selfish." She paused again. "I'd already lost so much to Sephiroth. I didn't want to lose Leon to him too, not when he was finally starting to heal."

"But how does Leon even know Sephiroth at all?" Cloud asked, more calm now, but exasperated.

"…the Leon you know today would never have existed if not for Sephiroth."

"Stop beating around the bush."

Aeris turned to look at him, emerald eyes full of sorrow.

"He's staying in Ansem's study," she said. "Try talking to him one last time, Cloud. If he doesn't tell you himself, I'll answer your questions, but just…try one more time, please? I'm so worried about him. It's like all the healing he's done over the past years has unraveled all at once. I'm afraid he may do something reckless without you there to stop him."

"He doesn't want anything to do with me," Cloud said, crossing his arms over his chest and frowning sullenly.

"And you're willing to just accept that? That's not the Cloud I know."

"A lot has changed," he retorted.

"You fell in love again."

"…" Cloud frowned at her for saying it so frankly when he could hardly say it at all. "…just one more time," he finally agreed with a sigh. "Then you'll tell me everything, alright? I know what I've lost, but I have a right to know why."

Aeris surprised him by giving the blonde a gentle hug. "Things that are lost can be found," she whispered. "And I've never met anyone more lost than the two of you. Good luck."

-----

Selphie giggled and spun about in the powder blue gown she wore. "What do you think, Irvy? Do I make a good best man?" she joked, the dress ruffling out around her hips before falling back into place.

Irvine turned to her from where he was trying to get his bow tie—in the same shade of powder blue—just right. "Couldn't ask for a better one, darlin' …unless you happen to have a talent for these blasted things." He frowned at his tie, still slightly askew, and left it be for a moment to adjust his cummerbund. "Hate these blasted things," he mumbled.

"But Squally will think you look sexy," Selphie laughed before biting her lip in concentration and fixing the tie.

"Of course!" he laughed. "I can't wait to see him in the monkey suit too. I tried to suggest he wear a white gown, but he didn't like that idea so much."

"You mean he hit you."

"And no sex for three whole days!" Irvine complained dramatically. "It was awful!"

"There!" Selphie said triumphantly when she got the tie even. "Ready for your big show?" she smiled.

"Well," he said, "…no time like the present, I suppose, though I really had been hoping for something a little…smaller. I guess that's wishful thinking, considering who Squall is though," he said, peeking through the blinds at all the press and even ordinary citizens outside, wanting to catch a glimpse of the soon-to-be ecstatically happy couple. "Even so…" he smiled at his dearest friend. "…he's finally mine, Sephie, and by the end of the day it'll be official."

Selphie bounced happily, glad to see Irvine so ridiculously happy as he fiddled with his hair. Tying it back, letting it down…up. Down. Up. Down. Up…

"Leave it down," Selphie said. "You know how much Squall likes your hair, and he's the one you want to impress, right?"

Irvine let his long auburn hair down and chuckled. "You know me too well."

-----

Cloud didn't bother knocking. If he knocked, Leon would say 'who's there' and he'd say 'it's me' and Leon would say 'go away'. Last chance: thwarted by a flimsy wooden door and good manners. …so Cloud didn't knock. "I…" he started, and saw Leon's head jolt up at the sound of his voice and his shoulders tense. "This time I won't take no for an answer," he said with false bravado. "I want to know more about you. When you won't tell me, what do you expect me to do?" He barley managed to keep his voice from cracking with emotion.

Leon looked up into Cloud's magnetic blue eyes and cursed himself for it. He felt lost again. It was so difficult to tell the blonde 'no'. "I _definitely_ didn't expect to find you kissing someone else."

"For what it's worth, I didn't want to."

Leon sighed and raked his fingers through his hair. Cloud knew that gesture. The brunette was uncomfortable and nervous, but wasn't pushing him away. When Leon didn't say anything or look back up at him, Cloud continued. "He told me for a kiss, he'd tell me about Irvine…the things you don't want me to know."

"Well, he, of all people, would know," Leon muttered.

"Who is he to you, Leon?"

Leon's smoky eyes cringed with pain at being asked so directly and he swallowed before he was able to answer, slowly, each word coming out carefully and deliberately. "He's the one." The words got stuck in his throat and he had to start over. "He's the one who killed Irvine," he managed to get out, hugging his knees to his chest at the painful memory. "…and everyone else. He stole everything from me. When I saw you kissing him I thought…I thought that he'd stolen you too." Again his fingers raked through his hair, trying to keep his emotions under control. "It was…" Leon squeezed his eyes shut, unable to continue for a long few minutes and Cloud, understanding now that he saw how painful it was for his lover why he'd never told him and feeling bad for pressing the subject, pulled the brunette into the best comforting embrace he could manage.

Leon buried his face into Cloud's shoulder and whispered, "…it was our wedding day. We were going to get married. Everyone was there."

Cloud's embrace tightened and he ran his fingers through Leon's hair gently, waiting for him to continue. He'd spent so long being jealous of Irvine, now he couldn't help but feel his lover's pain. Sephiroth had killed the person Leon loved most in the world. Even if Leon maybe should work on his listening skills and his trust, to some degree Cloud could understand why he blew a gasket when he'd seen Cloud kissing the man who'd ruined his life. He loved Leon more than he liked to admit most days, maybe now he could start to understand him. That, he thought, would be a nice change of pace.

-----

To Reviewers:

_Nix: _Unfortunately, I'm kind of dumping another cliffy on you. Haha. But hey, at least I update pretty fast, right? Glad you're enjoying the story.

_Starpolish_: Yes, that they are, but misunderstandings make for great drama. Perhaps they'll get their shit together yet.

_shrouded-obsession: _They certainly are in an emotional roller-coaster of a relationship, aren't they? But that's half of what makes it interesting, or at least I hope so. And yes, I'm insanely busy, but I may manage this yet. I imagine there will only be a few more chapters anyway.

_fullmetalguitar:_ hah! Leon isn't _half_ as angsty in the KH Series as he is in FFVIII, so I consider his moments of serious idiocy as "regressing". He spent the better part of FFVIII thinking things like 'it's better to be alone so no one can hurt you' and all sorts of angsty stuff that just made you want to slap him, so to some extent I chose to remain true to that a bit. He's just the type of guy who's not good at expressing his emotions, but no, it won't go on chapter after chapter, as you can see.

_Wends:_ Hah! I know exactly what you mean about Seifer. I saw him and thought 'that's not Seifer, it's a chibi-Seifer clone'. Well, the copy never comes out as well as the original, right? Regardless, I just had a hard time imagining that little kid Seifer beating up on Squall. I thought 'uh. No. FF8 Version.', but like I've said before, I prefer the originals 9 times out of 10 (though I love how much more like Laguna Leon has come to look as he grew up because it makes me laugh. I imagine him thinking 'damn, I really am that idiot's son after all…') Also, thank you for the compliment on the characterizations. I'm doing my best with them, but sometimes I'm not sure how 'on target' I am, so it's good to hear that I'm managing them alright. I'm so rusty on this fan fiction thing.

_Gold Silk: _I happen to like both ff7 and ff8, but as FF8 was my first ever final fantasy game, I imagine it will probably always be my favorite. A lot of people bash it as being not really as good as the others, but I just love the characters to bits, that's not to say 7 isn't a great game(I swear I must have spent a full week doing nothing but racing/breeding chocobos) but we're all allowed our favorite memories—like Selphie's train song, and laughing at Squall when he was angsting like crazy and couldn't get a full sentence out of his mouth without going on some mental tirade—but I digress. Yes, in FF8 Squall is such a TOTAL uke. He grew up to be much cooler, which I actually love about him, but those ff8 fans out there know he's not half as unflappable as he pretends to be. Thank you for your awesome comments. They made me laugh.


	9. Chapter 9

Standard Disclaimers Apply.

Fandom: Kingdom Hearts/FFVIII

Pairings: Leon/Cloud, Irvine/Squall, some mentions of others

Warnings: Boy/Boy Love, some icky, gory bits. Angst, and plenty of it.

Well, okay, this one took me two days instead of one. Reasons: I sucketh at the fight scenes. I'm in the middle of moving, and the application for the association on my new trailer is like…a zillion pages long. Bastards. The next one may take a bit too. Over the next 2 weeks I'll be living half the week in NJ and the weekends in NY--this, obviously, requires lots of driving. And packing, let's not forget packing. Well, you cry over the story, I'll cry over the fact I have way too much crap.

**First Snow**

_He hid his memories in the top of his closet._

_He always disappeared for the first snow._

_I want to know you better than this. _

_Not just who you are, but why._

_And when your eyes will be on me alone._

_Hey, would you miss me if I were gone?_

_Would you know what you'd lost?_

_Even the memory of your touch is too much _

_to_ _bear when you're not here._

_---_

_I want you to know me._

_Not just who I am, but why._

_But the words get stuck in my throat,_

_and_ _I choke._

_The difference between hello and goodbye_

_no_ _longer means a thing, if you're not here._

_---_

_So much has happened I can't even cry anymore._

_Someday, maybe, we'll cast away our pride and fear_

**Chapter Nine: Grasping at Straws**

"I don't know what your world was like, but in mine, we were used to monsters," Leon said slowly. "SeeD was a mercenary institution. We trained at places known as Gardens since childhood and when we attained the rank of SeeD we were hired out for all kinds of jobs. A lot of the 'simple ones' were monster exterminations in or around different towns and villages when the population was getting out of hand and causing the townspeople trouble," he explained. "Because of that when the heartless first started showing up, we probably didn't take it as seriously as we should have…" Leon paused, tone laced with regret. He blamed himself for so much of what had happened—Cloud could tell from the way the silence felt when Leon stopped talking this time. He was the Commander of one of these 'Gardens'. Even so many years after the fact he felt his own negligence was to blame. Cloud could understand the feeling, but wanted to comfort Leon somehow. "Even you can't take sole responsibility for the fate of an entire world, Leon," he whispered into his hair. "Even here in Hollow Bastion you always try to do too much on your own."

"People depend on me," Leon protested.

"I know," Cloud replied. "You're the type of guy who hates to disappoint them."

"And you're the type who doesn't give a damn." Leon's lips curled very slightly. It was an old and very private joke between them and calmed his nerves a bit. "No more secrets, then?" he asked with a sigh, righting himself a bit but not so much that Cloud would have to relent on the gentle embrace.

"No more secrets," Cloud said. "_Please_. They've caused us nothing but trouble as it is."

Leon sighed. He understood, but it was still so painful to recall. "Right then. Wish I had a glass of water. There's a lot to say."

Cloud smirked slightly, appreciating the joke Leon made at his own expense. "You want me to get you one?" he asked.

"No," Leon answered. "It would mean you have to move." He wet his lips and thought another moment before saying. "I was so nervous."

-----

"Why do I have to be the one to walk down the isle anyway?" Squall complained a bit finding the task very…effeminate.

Zell grinned. Even he found Squall cute when he was trying not to admit that he was this nervous. "Because that's _your_ dad waiting to give you away at the end of the isle," he joked.

"…didn't know I belonged to him," Squall grit out. Damn it, why was he so nervous?! He wanted to marry Irvine more than he thought possible, but add a room full of people, a few hundred cameras and a penguin suit to the equation and his stomach went all knotty and his feet wanted to pace and his hand was reaching for a gunblade and something to kill with it.

"Well, now you know. Let's get this show on the road, best buddy o'mine."

"…you're never going to let me live that down, are you?"

"Nope."

"Hey, you're date…"

Zell shifted awkwardly. "…ask me about that after the wedding, okay? It's kind of complicated."

Squall blinked, "I was just going to ask if you thought he'd actually wear the hat."

Zell grinned, realizing Squall didn't know the half of it. "I can pretty much guarantee it."

"…he must be a real idiot then," Squall said, smirking faintly, his mood dramatically improved.

Zell laughed and replied, "you don't know the half of it."

-----

Cloud thought a minute and then realized, "wait…ah, not that I want to interrupt now that I finally have you talking but…stupid black beanie with a kanji on it?"

"Yeah, why?"

Cloud blinked and gave Leon a 'you've got to be kidding' expression. It just goes to show you, you never know what kind of crazy things might happen in life. "…I've seen that hat."

"You've what?"

"…Seifer was wearing it."

Leon blinked, remembering the conversation he'd had with Zell that fateful day and putting it all together. Complicated indeed. He brought a hand over his mouth suddenly, trying to hide his odd amusement, but the corners of his eyes wrinkled in mirth, which made the atmosphere much more bearable.

"I take it this is all terribly amusing and I should feel let down that I'm not in on the joke," Cloud said dryly, secretly glad to see Leon looking happy for the moment.

Leon managed not to laugh outright and replied, "you have _no_ idea."

Cloud realized they'd gotten a little distracted from the topic, and he _did_ want to know how the story ended, very much so, but it was the first time he'd seen Leon smile in months and was hesitant to put an end to it. He found the slight upturn of his love's lips heartening—maybe they could get through their troubles after all. And just maybe someday Leon would love him as much as he'd loved Irvine. 'I guess…maybe it would be okay to be a replacement until then.'

A few more minutes passed before Leon got back on subject and said, "but that's not important now. Zell is gone too. And Laguna, Selphie…everyone. In the end, only Seifer's gang and I survived. I guess that's what they mean by 'bitter irony'."

Cloud finally understood the depth of what Sephiroth had taken from his lover and he grew to hate the silver-haired male even more, which he really hadn't thought was possible. 'And I _kissed_ him.' He felt the urge to brush his teeth...repeatedly. What Leon suffered wasn't a pain that came simply from losing the man you loved—though that certainly did hold the most sting. Leon had lost everything, and the only people he had to blame were Sephiroth and himself. He did understand Leon a little more even from only this much—he'd been lost for a long time, grasping at straws for something solid to hold on to.

-----

Irvine grinned at him as he walked down the isle. Squall felt kind of stupid about the entire affair, but that made it all worth it. The sun cast a golden halo over the crown of the cowboy's head where the hat would normally be present and that satiny auburn hair tumbled down his back. Hyne, but Irvine looked gorgeous. It made the camera flashes and all the people feel a little less important.

Selphie stood a bit to the side of Irvine, smiling widely, and all of his friends were seated in the front row—a little embarrassing, really—but he appreciated their support. Even though most of the time he acted irritated with them, it was nice not to be alone.

And of course there was Laguna, grinning stupidly as he thought about giving his son away. "I want grandchildren," he informed Squall quietly, "so you and Irvine had better get used to the idea of adoption."

Squall frowned at him for the badly timed joke and replied just as quietly, "you get stupider every time you speak."

"You're awfully abrasive for someone who's trying not to smile," Laguna teased gently. "…and losing."

Before Squall could retort, Laguna was passing him off to stand opposite Irvine, who gently took his hands. He could feel the cold sweat on Irvine's palms and it comforted him. "You're nervous," he said quietly.

"Excited," Irvine corrected. "I waited so long for you to remember me, to take notice of me, it's like a dream, knowing you'll finally be all mine."

Squall's cheeks reddened and he became aware of the cameras and their watchers anew.

Honestly! It was embarrassing that Irvine could say such a thing in front of so many people, even if most of them couldn't hear him. The priest waited only a moment longer before beginning the ceremony. Irvine had run the idea of personalized vows by Squall, but the Commander of Balamb Garden had protested it, claiming he wouldn't know what to say, and besides, it was too embarrassing to have everyone know so intimately what he felt for Irvine. He wanted to share that with Irvine alone, and so, this rather untraditional couple settled on a traditional ceremony. Vows, kisses, dancing and cake. At least that was the plan, but you know what they say about the best laid plans.

Irvine was adoring and anxious, taking the ring from Selphie. He'd been waiting for this part. Soon, the kiss would come and it would all be official. Squall tried to look like his usual stoic self, so Irvine decided he would never mention how adorable he looked, or the way those smoke-gray eyes smiled up at him with utter trust and love. It would be his own little secret, something to tuck away safely in his heart.

"…with this ring I thee…whoooa!" a loud crack was followed by the entire room shaking violently.

Squall stumbled forward and Irvine just barely caught him against his chest. "What the hell was that?!" Squall demanded, eyes darting to the sound of heavy footsteps creaking outside.

"Ah damn it!" Irvine complained. "Can't those bastards cut us some slack? Just for _one day_??" he frowned. Monsters. Had to be. Everyone assumed the same thing.

Squall cursed under his breath. They were almost official and then this! The room shook violently again and his brow furrowed. No fair! The soon-to-be-wedded couple gave each other a look. Squall nodded. Irvine sighed. "Alright," the latter said, turning to the priest. "Just hang out a bit, huh? It looks like we'll have to deal with this before we finish up."

"Hyne!" Zell declared, looking out the window. "When'd it get so dark out? And that thing is _huge_!"

"And me without my Exeter," Irvine cussed under his breath as he pulled the blinds back all the way.

"We'll hold him off here while you get your weapons. Second floor, third room on the right," Laguna said, pulling a machine gun from behind the altar.

"When this day is over," Squall told his father. "I'm going to ask why you thought a cathedral was a good place to store your gun."

Laguna grinned. "Then you'll be in for a funny story," Laguna said, shooing them off before diving out the window after Zell and…some guy in a beanie, at least that's what it looked like. Who wore a beanie to a wedding, anyway? Well, a question to be discussed at another time.

"When this is over, remind me to kill you for this stupid hat," Seifer informed the other blonde.

Zell grinned. "_You're_ the one who wanted a disguise. It's not my fault you're so gullible."

"I'll kill you."

"You're all talk."

"Uh, no offense," Laguna said, "but can you two have this conversation later? We have bigger problems right now than the big guy's stupid hat." He looked up at the gigantic heartless that looked just about the right size to use him as a toothpick. "…much bigger."

-----

Squall grabbed Irvine's wrist and pulled him from the room. "Come on!" he said, "just run like hell for now."

Puddles of darkness seemed to be everywhere, swallowing the topmost levels of high rise buildings, pooling up from underfoot, and out of them came monsters that Squall would later learn were known as 'heartless'. It was like the Lunatic Pandora all over again.'

"This is _not_ how I pictured my wedding day," Irvine griped as they dodged debris on their way up the stairs.

"I thought you liked surprises," Squall retorted.

"Only the good ones."

"Then shut up and hurry, the day's not over yet."

-----

Leon swallowed and licked his lips again. It was hard to think about that day, let alone talk about it, and getting it all out at once was more than a little stressful. He felt a little pathetic, leaning on Cloud like this too as he related the story of how he lost his previous lover. It just seemed too awkward, talking about how much he loved some other man to the man he currently loved, but Cloud was insistent and he understood if he didn't explain what happened clearly there would be no way to get around it. He supposed he was willing to suffer a little if it meant they could somehow get past all the bullshit and finally, _finally_ be happy. Still, he was so afraid that Cloud would start comparing himself to Irvine. It was half the reason he kept it to himself for so long. He saw the two as completely separate entities…and he knew that was a bit hypocritical when he'd spent so much time being jealous of Zach, but even so, his brain understood things logically, if his heart was sometimes a little childish.

"I trusted in his strength," he said at last. "I trusted in all of him so completely, but believing he would always be beside me wasn't enough…I don't want to make the same mistake again."

Cloud sighed, a little exasperated by the pause but understanding that emotionally, Leon needed to take a short break from the story. He let his fingertips lightly caress Leon's cheek. "You can't protect everyone," he said.

"I should at least be able to protect the one I love," Leon protested.

"Idiot. You'd think by now you'd realize that you need to be protected at least as much as everyone else, maybe more." 'And I'm sorry I haven't been more dependable,' Cloud thought. 'I

intend to make up for that now, if we can somehow forgive each other.'

Leon frowned, sulking at the implication that he needed anything or anyone, but he knew Cloud wasn't wrong. The one he needed to support him was the very man he'd been unintentionally pushing away for years. 'I guess I should thank any god listening that he's so damn stubborn.'

He rested against the blonde for a few minutes without saying anything before finally beginning again. "I don't know how long we fought. The more heartless we killed, the more showed up. It was like running through quicksand. The harder you fight, the faster you drown. I can't be sure of the details, but by the time we got back to the cathedral they were all…" Leon bit his lip.

"Selphie, Zell, my father…it was too late."

It was the first time Leon had openly referred to Laguna as 'my father'. He usually called the man by name, and that in itself showed how much he felt the loss in spite of what he cared to admit.

-----

Seifer groaned and cursed, irritably shoving the beanie into his jacket pocket. It was just getting in the way of his vision fighting something so large. He shoved some debris off of his chest, something heavy and shook himself back to consciousness. His hand came away from that _something_ sticky with blood and when he realized what—_who_—it was, his stomach lurched into his throat. "Zell?" No answer. "Chicken-wuss?" That always got a reaction, always. "Damn you, wake the hell up. It'll be a pain in the ass to finish this thing off alone. Come on…you're not this weak, are you?"

Seifer's voice cracked. Zell had a hole going straight through his stomach a good foot wide in diameter. He forced a phoenix down past the martial artist's lips, but nothing happened.

He wasn't given the time to react or even mourn as the clawed hand of the goliath heartless swiped at him again, flinging him across the square. He wheezed, trying to get air back into his lungs. The hand came again, too quickly, but the claw that nearly skewered him was blown off with a loud bang. Seifer's gaze shot over his shoulder to find Irvine, his tux looking kind of tattered, with Exeter raised, the safety being pulled back already for another shot. He didn't stop for thanks, scrambling for his gunblade as Squall attacked the creature.

"After we finish this guy off, I'll ask what the fuck you think you're doing here," Irvine told the blonde. He couldn't stand Seifer and felt a competitive streak toward the taller blonde, especially given his former relations with his fiancé/soon-to-be-husband.

"Then for the moment," Seifer grit out. "You won't mind if I tell you to kindly shut up and shoot."

The heartless, seriously weakened by their fallen comrades, was still by no means weak. Slashing claws led into thick coils of taut black muscle a whip-chord neck and vacant yet angry eyes. Those eyes made Squall think of some kind of crazed sociopath. Dark portions of armor, when hit, made his bones clatter and his teeth vibrate and he cursed under his breath every time a missed strike caused the jolting vibrations to wrack through his slim form. "Aim for the head, I think," he told Irvine.

Irvine cursed under his breath, complaining about bad omens and something about the monster's claws being "sharper than a t-rexaur's incisors."

Seifer, as far as Squall could tell, wasn't listening to what anyone had to say. He seemed almost like he was about to go into some kind of rage blackout. Each time he saw Zell's un-moving figure in a pool of blood the large blonde got angrier and seemed to slash randomly, damning technique in favor of violently hacking away at anything he could reach.

It was a long battle that left the participants bruised and battered. "Don't look much ready for a wedding now, do we?" Irvine said nursing a nasty scrape across his abdomen that had forced a bloody tear through his cummerbund. "Well, we'd better rouse our fallen comrades," he said.

Seifer's lips twisted in a dark smirk, "It's too late for that."

"Why you…!" Irvine grabbed the blonde's lapels. The last thing he needed was some pessimistic bastard telling him what could and couldn't be saved.

Seifer turned his head away but for once, didn't seem to have any fight left in him. "I already tried," he muttered.

"What was that, Almsay?!"

"I said I already tried you damn rodeo wannabe!" Seifer snapped, shoving him away.

-----

Leon shuddered, pausing in his story.

"I thought.." Cloud began. Hadn't Seifer thought he killed Irvine before this?

"I…_we_," Leon corrected, remembering that Cloud had met and spoken to Seifer. "May have led you to believe things that weren't entirely true up to now. They weren't lies, per say, but…" Leon paused guiltily. "It's so hard to talk about, Cloud. It's true that Seifer probably thought he'd killed Irvine that day he found us together, but that's not the only time he felt as if he was to blame."

"Leon…"

"We thought it was over," Leon began again, determined to force the rest past his lips in what he prayed would be the last time. "We were wrong."

-----

"Well well, Commander Leonheart, I must say, that was _impressive_."

Squall's eyes darted from Irvine and Seifer's bickering to the direction of the voice. He emerged from the darkness, rising through the pool of black plasma that remained from the defeated creature. Silver hair and aquiline features--a thin jaw, but tall, handsome really. He was no Irvine Kinneas, but even so, he was an attractive man--that was Squall's first impression anyway. But those metallic eyes sent a chill down his spine. The thin, bemused smile was no better. He raised his sword slowly.

It was at that precise moment that Seifer shoved Irvine away from him.

A sharp pain raced through Irvine's stomach and he looked down, shocked, to find a rather long sword piercing his sternum. Blood pooled outward in a macabre tie-dye from the wound and he looked up, hands coming up, but with the blade still through him held awkwardly near his ribs, having nowhere to go. He looked up at Seifer, then Squall, unable to put two and two together. How had he…? He opened his mouth to speak, but choked on the blood that had started to bubble out of his mouth. How? What??! This had to be a nightmare, a bad dream. Wedding jitters, that's it. Soon the alarm clock would go off and he'd wake up to find Selphie pestering him about sleeping in on his big day. He'd marry Squall and drag him off on a honeymoon--somewhere tropical. They would make love every day and he would teach Squall all about the wonders of fruity drinks with little umbrellas…

…it was about then that the pain registered. Why wasn't he waking up?

"Unfortunately," Sephiroth said fluidly, a wicked smirk twisting his features as he twisted the sword a full one hundred eighty degrees so the blade faced upward, causing the wound in Irvine to bloom a deeper scarlet at the center. Irvine's features twisted in agony, but he didn't have time to react beyond that as Sephiroth swiftly raised the blade, shearing the cowboy in two from the wound upward.

"…loss always breeds greater strength."

"_IRVINE!" _Squall screamed, taking a step forward as if to approach his lover's twisted figure as it sprayed blood and slowly fell to the ground, as if he could somehow put the man back together again.

Seifer winced and looked away, but at least had the presence of mind to pull Squall back from the badly mangled, yet still warm, corpse of his fiancé.

"_LET ME GO YOU BASTARD!" _Squall demanded.

Seifer wasn't hearing it.

"I look anxiously forward to seeing just how strong you can become, Squall Leonheart. I imagine it may prove terribly interesting."

Sephiroth disappeared the way he came, slowly through the black darkness.

"LET ME GO!" Squall demanded again, struggling against Seifer's firm hold.

"There's nothing you can do for him now!" Seifer declared. "Just live." He shoved Squall away from the carnage and jumped in the swiftly closing darkness behind Sephiroth.

-----

This time, Leon really did cry. They were silent tears as he buried his face against Cloud's shoulder. The memory of his lover being cleaved in half from the waist up was just too much to bear, the image brought fresh and anew to his mind.

Cloud did the only thing he could for the brunette, he clung to him tightly as if he could somehow assure him that that would never happen to him even though he knew he couldn't make such an assurance. He wanted to kill Sephiroth more than ever now, for both of their sakes. And he felt terribly guilty about making Leon relive such painful memories. 'What's going to happen when I tell him who that 'silver haired man' is?' he thought, praying the knowledge wouldn't do irreconcilable damage to his lover's state of mind. He was barely hanging on as it was. 'Which I am at least mostly to blame for,' he reminded himself bitterly. Leon had been holding in these tears for so long that he didn't dare ruin it by speaking. Maybe a good cry would help the brunette come to terms with all that had come to pass. Maybe Leon would never fully recover from the loss, but even if that was the case, Cloud knew that he couldn't leave him now. He'd already lost too much.

'I'll be the one to support you,' Cloud thought. 'Just like everyone has depended on you all these years, you can depend on me from now on. I promise…and I'm sorry.'

-----

_To Reviewers:_

_fullmetalguitar_: Hah! Well, Aeris's got to be good for something, right? And when you've got two stubborn boys like Leon and Cloud someone's got to push them in the right direction.

_krad: _Hah! Sorry sorry, but to make up for it, this time the chapter was very long and dramatic, right?

_shrouded-obsession: _Hah! Good! I'm glad. I thought the beanie thing was fairly obvious and that I wouldn't have to hit everyone with a neon sign for them to get the hint. It's just a subtle reference. As you can see I've chosen not to go into that here, but I am considering writing a short Seifer/Zell fic as a companion to this one…but probably not until I'm a) done with this fic and b)settled into my new place --which I imagine will be about a month from now. And yes, it is sad. Poor Irvy. Poor everyone. As for _Until the End of Eternity and Longer_, do keep in mind that everything but _First Snow_ is so old that I kind of think they're really lame now. That said, I hope you enjoy it anyway.

_Gold Silk_: Thanks, I hope the explanation of Irvine's death is alright, I do suck royally at the writing of battle/fight/gore scenes. And I think at this point I won't be surprising anyone if I tell you that you can rest assured that Sephiroth/Cloud isn't really much of a possibility. To be honest, I've never really liked Sephiroth much anyway. He makes a damn good villain, but the FF world just has so many cooler characters…at least I think so. And don't worry about it, I know what you meant.

_SUFFERINGLOSTSOUL: _Thanks, working on it.


	10. Chapter 10

Fandom: Kingdom Hearts/Final Fantasy VIII

Pairings: Leon/Cloud and others

Standard Disclaimers Apply.

**First Snow**

_He hid his memories in the top of his closet._

_He always disappeared for the first snow._

_I want to know you better than this. _

_Not just who you are, but why._

_And when your eyes will be on me alone._

_Hey, would you miss me if I were gone?_

_Would you know what you'd lost?_

_Even the memory of your touch is too much _

_to_ _bear when you're not here._

_---_

_I want you to know me._

_Not just who I am, but why._

_But the words get stuck in my throat,_

_and_ _I choke._

_The difference between hello and goodbye_

_no_ _longer means a thing, if you're not here._

_---_

_So much has happened I can't even cry anymore._

_Someday, maybe, we'll cast away our pride and fear_

_and learn how to smile_

**Chapter Ten: Along with the Afterglow**

Cloud and Leon spent that night on the floor of Ansem's study making love. It wasn't passionate and adoring as was their custom, but needy and hopeful--like a ritual cleansing. Every kiss said 'I'm sorry', every caress 'I forgive you'. They both had so much to apologize for and had already said enough. It was their way of telling one another that their relationship wasn't over, that it was going to be okay.

Since then, the lovers hadn't spoken much. There had been no real need to. Silent communication had improved so much that speaking less than usual they managed to say more than they ever thought possible. Leon's shoulders became less tense. Cloud practically glowed when their eyes met coincidentally across the room. A tilt of the head or a subtle brush of the fingers when no one was looking came to mean so much and they were both so clumsy with words that they didn't dare ruin the comfortable atmosphere after so much drama.

Perhaps that's why when Leon--breath evening out after their recent lovemaking, hands laced behind his head--said softly, "I really love you, you know," Cloud lifted his head, eyes widening in surprise and breath catching in his throat. He rolled onto his side, blinking away the sluggishness that always overtook him along with the afterglow. Leon had never said those words to him before and Cloud wanted to be awake enough to fully appreciate them. He hadn't dared hope to ever hear them, so when Leon said them in such a straight-forward way, he felt embarrassed. Leon wasn't a romantic man, so when he said such a thing he meant it, and not only that, but he meant it more than most. It comforted Cloud, who still wondered if he would ever be as special to Leon as Irvine had been and who tried to deny any romantic tendencies he may or may not have.

Even so, knowing Leon so well, the blonde's heart thundered in his chest at the straight-forward admission and he had to fight his features to keep himself from grinning like an idiot. To compensate Cloud rested his head on Leon's shoulder and let himself cuddle against the larger man's side as he tried to think of how to reply. He'd like to say 'I love you too, so much' but didn't want to ruin the moment by saying anything that would embarrass his love, who had probably spent _days_ finding just the right way to say those small yet frightening words.

Leon moved an arm to wrap around Cloud's shoulders, appreciating the feeling of a warm, firm body pressed against him. His grip could only be described as protective. Strong fingers splayed across Cloud's bicep and the matching arm pulled him tighter against his heated flesh.

Cloud couldn't help but sigh contently at the shared body heat and the permission to be so close to a man who normally preferred his personal space. It made him feel special. The brunette's words danced through his brain: _I really love you, you know_. Cloud could hardly contain his elation to hear those words after nearly five years together. "Talkative today, aren't we?" he said at last, finding it a comfortable middle ground. Leon would understand how much the words meant to him by his gestures alone, the tone of his voice, and a slight tease seemed a good way to make light of the subject and keep Leon from getting overly flustered--as adorable as Leon looked when he got flustered.

"I'm telling you because I want you to understand how much I worry when you're not here with me," Leon answered.

Cloud understood only too well what Leon meant. Yuffie had made an off-hand comment earlier this week about how Cloud must be in love if he hadn't left in over six months to 'chase after Stupid Sephiroth'. Leon had probably been dwelling on the subject of Sephiroth and Cloud's obsession with battling the man to the death ever since. He squeezed himself impossibly tighter against Leon as if the gesture could assure him that he wasn't going anywhere. Even so, there was one last thing, one last secret, and this one wasn't Leon's. "I have to tell you something," Cloud said, tone a little more guilty than he cared to admit.

Leon turned his head toward the blonde and quirked a brow slightly. This certainly seemed to be an awfully serious conversation to have on a lazy afternoon after making love, but he knew he was the one to impulsively start it by making the confession.

"That guy," Cloud began, tongue feeling to thick for his mouth as he began to speak, "…the one who killed Irvine…"

Leon's posture tensed instantly at the mention of the silver-haired male. Cloud knew something about him and didn't say? Why? How could he, knowing how much Leon had suffered because of him? He forced himself not to jump to conclusions this time and gave a curt nod and waited for Cloud to finish. "…that's Sephiroth."

Leon got quiet, not I'm-not-speaking-because-I-have-nothing-to-say quiet either. It was more of a shocked and perturbed quiet and after an extended pause he answered "…oh."

Cloud knew there was more to that 'oh' than meets the eye. Leon only said 'oh' that way when he was deciding whether or not to he was severely pissed. The brunette had always known Sephiroth was going to cast a shadow over his entire life--he thought it was because of how he'd traumatized him in the past, but he had no idea that it was going to so affect his present. Sephiroth. He didn't know whether to cry out in despair or scream in rage. Cloud was obsessed with Sephiroth--killing him, sure, but obsessed enough that he was willing to ignore how much Leon needed him in favor of possible death every time someone mentioned the name. Sephiroth, _the Sephiroth_ who Cloud was so fixated on was also the same man who had killed Irvine, and the worst of it was that Leon understood all these years…everyone knew and didn't tell him. It hurt to know they didn't trust him to not go ballistic or suicidal or…or _something else_ that he couldn't think of right now.

"So, in other words," he said slowly. "Everyone knew all this time, and _no one_ told me." That 'no one' was accusatory. His lover, at least, should trust him enough to say it. Sure, Cloud was saying it now, but why hadn't he told him such a thing a long time ago?

Cloud knew that tone. He also knew it was worthy of all sorts of hazard lights--bells and whistles too. It was clipped, cautious, and matter-of-fact, which meant Leon felt severely hurt and slighted. One wrong move was bound to cause an explosion.

Leon sat up on the edge of the bed trying to collect his thoughts. Sephiroth. A shiver rippled down his spine and he leaned forward, shoulders rounding out and forearms resting on his thighs.

"Leon?" Cloud asked, tentatively shuffling across the mattress toward his lover to rest a hand gently against his shoulder.

Leon closed his eyes to collect his thoughts and dam the flood of emotions roiling in his belly. He lifted a hand to rest over Cloud's. "I am so very tired of revenge and loss," he said slowly. "And I have had more than enough of losing lovers." In short, Leon had decided, just this once, to let it slide.

Cloud kissed the hand covering his own softly and pulled the blanket to drape over Leon's lap for comfort and warmth if not for modesty.

"Please, Cloud, give up this chase of yours. If he killed you too I…" Leon licked his lips, unable to finish his sentence.

Cloud's shoulders tensed. Leon was asking a lot. The way the brunette didn't look him in the eye told him that Leon knew it too, but the fact that he'd asked at all told Cloud how important it was to his lover to not have to worry when he was gone for weeks, sometimes months at a time. Besides that, he hadn't gone after Sephiroth in a long time…even though he wanted to not only kill him, but do so painfully and messily to avenge Leon's tattered past in the process of settling things once and for all. The blonde eventually sighed. "I won't leave again," he finally agreed. "But if he comes here, I'm going to fight him Leon, I'll have to."

Leon suddenly pulled Cloud tightly against his chest, the embrace almost barbarically tight. Cloud gasped in surprise. "I understand," Leon said at last. "But don't expect me to like it, and _definitely_ don't expect me not to worry."

Cloud smiled against Leon's shoulder. "You worry too much."

"You don't worry enough," Leon retorted.

"I guess that means we're evenly matched," Cloud teased, kissing Leon's throat, a spot he knew was terribly sensitive on the brunette.

"Cloud…"

"It'll be another two hours before Aeris calls us for dinner," Cloud informed. "And all the work is done for today, and we're already in bed," each 'justifiable reason' was emphasized by a kiss--first the throat, then the jaw, a cat-like lick to Leon's adam's apple. "And conveniently," Cloud said, "I happen to be wide awake."

"You're impossible," Leon protested, letting himself be pulled back down to the bed.

"And you love that about me," Cloud quipped.

Leon actually chuckled a bit. "Well," he said, "I don't hate it."

"You love _me_," Cloud teased, nipping at Leon's throat again and lacing his fingers through his hair.

Leon's cheeks colored, but he didn't deny it. "I love you, Cloud Strife," he said, this time looking into those beautiful blue eyes as he said it, which made Cloud blush rather cutely as Leon claimed his lips in a lazy kiss.

"…I love you back," Cloud whispered once his mouth was free again. "I always have."

Leon smiled gently and whispered against the soft flesh behind Cloud's ear, "…I know."

-----

_To Reviewers: _

_fullmetalguitar: _Isn't he though? I'd hug him, but Cloud might bite my arm off.

_shrouded-obsession: _No actually, Leon knows the face, but not the name that goes with it. Or, at least that was the case in the last chapter. My apologies if it was unclear. I purposely structured the flashback so that Squall never had the chance to ask Sephiroth's name. Everyone else tended to tap-dance around the subject, so while Sephiroth was mentioned a lot in the same time/place as Squall, he didn't actually learn that the Sephiroth Cloud was chasing and the man who killed Irvine were one in the same. He probably could have deduced it, but well, he didn't. As for the companion story, more details on that next time.

_Starpolish: _because it makes for a damn good story, but super-angst seems to have been followed by super-fluff in this case. Ah well, they've earned it.

**Alright guys, after this only ONE MORE CHAPTER, the Epilogue will be coming next, and with it information on what I'm planning for the Seifer/Zell sequel/sidefic thing. Hopefully, it'll only take me another day to finish, but we should all know by now I don't offer promises on such things. Hope you have enjoyed the story so far, and sincerely hope you will stay with me until the end.**

**Guna**


	11. Epilogue

Alright guys, I'm going to take this chance to thank you all for staying with me this far. Your reviews have made me happy, and so, we come to the epilogue of 'First Snow'. There will be a short companion fic. More details on that at the bottom.

Fandom: Kingdom Hearts/Final Fantasy VIII

Pairings: Leon/Cloud and others

Standard Disclaimers Apply.

**First Snow**

_He hid his memories in the top of his closet._

_He always disappeared for the first snow._

_I want to know you better than this. _

_Not just who you are, but why._

_And when your eyes will be on me alone._

_Hey, would you miss me if I were gone?_

_Would you know what you'd lost?_

_Even the memory of your touch is too much _

_to_ _bear when you're not here._

_---_

_I want you to know me._

_Not just who I am, but why._

_But the words get stuck in my throat,_

_and_ _I choke._

_The difference between hello and goodbye_

_no_ _longer means a thing, if you're not here._

_---_

_So much has happened I can't even cry anymore._

_Someday, maybe, we'll cast away our pride and fear_

_and learn how to smile_

_together after all these years._

**Epilogue: Always**

When Cloud awoke it was to find Leon standing by the window staring out at a white landscape.

The blonde sat up and rubbed at his eyes blearily. It was 2 in the morning. That's when he realized…_first snow_. It was the first time in all the years they were together that the brunette was still in the room on a night like this. From the blanket on the nearby rooftops, Cloud could tell it had been snowing for quite some time. He didn't want to disrupt his lover's thoughts, but at the same time, he wanted to know what had changed. After a moment's deliberation he asked, "Leon?"

Leon turned, that now familiar nostalgia in his eyes. "Will you come with me?" he asked.

Maybe it was just the way the moonlight played off his skin, but something about Leon looked terribly vulnerable and young when he asked that. Cloud was surprised, but happy. That Leon had asked him to come meant that he _finally_ trusted him. He got up, wrapping the blanket around his slim form and padded over to the window where his lover stood in leather pants. Goose bumps danced down Leon's arms. He was cold, but didn't want to leave the window and so had determined to suffer through it for now.

Cloud wrapped his arms around Leon, the large blanket draping around both of them and leaned up on his toes to kiss Leon on the mouth.

Leon wrapped his arms around the other man's waist and watched the emotions darting through Cloud's magnetic blue eyes.

"Always," Cloud answered, leaning his head against Leon's shoulder, turning his gaze out to the first snowfall of winter and feeling incredibly at peace being able to share this with his lover for the first time. "_Always_."

Leon's embrace tightened around the blonde and he kissed his temple, the end of his nose, and then his lips. It was the sweetest, most adoring kiss they'd ever shared. Leon thanked whoever was listening once again that Cloud was so stubborn. Some days it was incredibly frustrating, but if it wasn't for that stubbornness Leon was sure they would have broken up ages ago. He was thankful for that.

For the first time, Leon didn't run off at the first sign of snowflakes. Tonight he let himself stand by the window with Cloud a while, kissing gently, embracing, appreciating the romance of it all that Irvine had taught him so long ago. He was sure the cowboy, rest his soul, would understand. In fact, he was fairly certain that Irvine would be glad to know he wasn't going to spend the rest of his life in mourning. Still, that didn't mean he would ever forget, and it seemed as if Cloud understood that and was finally willing to accept that.

"Dress warm," he told the blonde. "It's a long walk."

Cloud looked up quizzically but chose not to ask. He would find out soon enough where Leon had been going in the middle of the night all these years and was willing, at last, to wait. He leaned up once more, kissing Leon softly on the lips. He didn't have to say anything to communicate all the most important things, but threw in a simple "take your own advice" as he padded over to the closet and threw a sweater at the brunette.

-----

Leon hadn't been kidding. They trekked through the restoration site, around toward the distant castle and through a series of caves. The entire time, Leon didn't let go of Cloud's hand. He didn't move unnaturally fast, periodically pausing to get his bearings. He only came here once a year and a small rock slide here or there made him backtrack and come around another way, but eventually, just as dawn was beginning to kiss the sky, Cloud found himself beside Leon on a snowy plateau that he'd never happened across before. He decided this was because it was in the middle of nowhere and that most likely, to Leon, therein lay its appeal.

As Leon led Cloud further toward the center, carefully shaped stones could be seen, at least half a dozen of them, but the one Leon stopped in front of made Cloud lean more firmly against his lover. It was a graveyard of sorts. He knew there were no bodies underfoot, but as he let his eyes roam over the stone tablets he could see exactly what it was. 'Irvine Kinneas. Laguna Loire. Zell Dincht. Selphie Tilmitt. …' Cloud's hand came over his mouth. All this time, all this jealousy… and Leon had been visiting graves, paying respects.

Leon let go of his hand and reached into his pocket, laying a white rose on each of the graves in memory. It was careful and ritualistic, and when he was done he paused and took a deep breath, taking Cloud's hand and leading him first to Laguna's headstone. He wanted to say something important, but thought it was silly. He knew Laguna couldn't really hear him and even if he could he didn't know what to say or how to explain, so after an extended moment he pulled Cloud along to Irvine's grave.

Cloud understood how much this took for him to do. It was no easy task to tell the man you'd loved that you were going to move on. Leon licked his lips and turned to Cloud, taking both of his hands in his own and locking his eyes, something he was often hesitant to do. "When we're alone," Leon said quietly, "you can call me Squall, but only you. It will be our secret."

Cloud couldn't help the small smile. His eyes lit up at the permission. "Squall," he said gently, getting used to the feeling of the word in his mouth and finding it very intimate. Temperamental, but intimate, just like his lover. He understood now, so much more that Leon didn't know how to say. Squall was the name Irvine had used for him, a name that reminded him of so much love and pain that no one but someone he would move heaven and earth for was worthy of it, no one but a lover could say it without bringing back all those painful memories.

But Cloud's thoughts were distracted when Leon let go of his hands to fumble around in his jacket pockets. After a few moments he produced a small and very familiar box, opening it and pulling out a gold band. He warmed it in his fist before lifting Cloud's left hand again. It couldn't be! Wasn't that Irvine's ring?

"Leo--Squall…?"

"I think he'd be glad that someone was using it," Leon answered. "And nothing would make me happier then marrying the man I love. …heartless permitting."

Cloud, overcome by emotion, launched himself at the brunette, arms tangling around his neck and accidentally knocking them both back into the fresh snow.

"Should I take that as a yes?" Leon teased, gracing Cloud with one of those rare, yet genuine smiles.

"Yes!" Cloud declared more firmly than was his fashion. "Yes. Always yes. Forever yes. As many times as you want me to say it."

"You might regret that last part," Leon answered, pulling Cloud into a deep kiss as the snow slowed to a stop around them without their noticing. "I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing it."

Again, Leon's mouth descended over the blonde's. They didn't find anything else important enough to say out loud for a very, very long time.

**The End**

-----

Well guys, that's it. I hope you've all enjoyed the story. As mentioned earlier, there will be a companion fic to this story that will be something like a sequel, only not. The pairing will be Seifer/Zell and it will be filed under Final Fantasy VIII rather than Kingdom Hearts, though references to events from this fic will be present. The working title is "**_For What It's Worth"_** so keep an eye out for it. I expect it will be out sometime within the next two weeks.


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